Monthly Archives: May 2014
Got Slogans?
A recent article on CNN revealed the winning slogans for all the teams that will be playing at the World Cup in Brazil this summer. The winning slogans, written by fans from each country, will be displayed on the team buses for all to see during the tournament. A few are good, but most of them are bad.
Solution?
Here is Jimmy’s Daily Planet’s list of better, more realistic team mottoes for some of the 32 teams that will compete in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil:
Algeria: “Yes, We’ll Keep Track of Landon Donovan This Time”
Argentina: “We Have Lionel Messi, So Yeah”
Australia: “Forget Kangaroos, We’re Bringing Our Damn Crocodiles!”
Belgium: “At the End of This, You’ll All Be Eating Waffles”
Bosnia and Herzegovina: “If You Lose to Us, Everybody Will Know”
Brazil: “Win or Lose, We’ll Be in the Final!”
Colombia: “We Brought Our Own White Powder to Line the Fields With…”
England: “Excited For Our 10-Day Vacation Every 4 Years!”
Ghana: “Time to Beat the U.S. Again”
Honduras: “Just Happy to Be Here”
Italy: “And You Thought a Flower Blew Over Easily”
Japan: “We Have the Sudoku of Defenses”
Mexico: “We Have No Idea How We Got Such an Easy Group Again (Ju$t Kidding, We Know)”
Holland: “Real Men Wear Orange” (It’s the real one, but it’s so awesome & true!)
Portugal: “We Have a Star Player Named Ronaldo Who Speaks Portuguese Playing at the World Cup in Brazil…I Mean, C’mon”
Russia: “What’s This Rule About Wearing Jerseys?”
Spain: “Hey, Does Anybody Care or Want to See the World Cup Right Now!?”
Switzerland: “We Don’t Want to Offend or Defend Anyone”
Uruguay: “South America’s ‘Middle Child’ Will Be Kicking Butts & Taking Names!”
The United States of America: “One Nation, Under God, We’re Praying”
A little truth in advertising doesn’t hurt. It definitely revealed how Spain would fare 4 years ago with their simple slogan:
Spain in 2010: “We’re Going to Win”
P.S. You have no idea how painful it was for me to write that as a longtime and dedicated Dutch fan…just one delicate foot deflection away!
Damn, it still hurts.
Dancin’ on a Prayer
Spoiler Alert: This post contains scenes or content from the May 13, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs, the season finale.
The ’80s are officially back!
The hit freshman ABC sitcom The Goldbergs starring Wendi McLendon-Covey (Beverly), Jeff Garlin (Murray), Sean Giambrone (Adam), Hayley Orrantia (Erica), Troy Gentile (Barry), George Segal (Pops) and Patton Oswalt (Older Adam/Narrator) has been renewed for a full second season, moving to Wednesday nights at 9:30 p.m. this Fall.
Congratulations to everybody involved with The Goldbergs, most especially the creator of this pitch-perfect nostalgic treasure of a show Adam F. Goldberg! This news is pure awesomeness!
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We’ve all seen the cult classics that feature that legen-wait for it (sorry, wrong show) legendary house party set during high school. Pizza spinning like a record, impromptu, yet perfectly choreographed dancing scenes between high schoolers and the dream girl hanging-out across the room waiting for Prince Charming to emerge from the chaos of her immature classmates to prove his distinguishing worth.
And Big Tasty made sure this moment would be golden…with his thick gold chain necklace. But hey, it’s Barry, just go with it.
Reliving the “glory days” of our youth is usually cause for pause (Big Tasty isn’t the only one with fresh rhymes!), but not for Murray. The patriarch of the Goldbergs, would, only every so often, reveal insanely cool tidbits about his life that would shock his kids with priceless expressions and intrigue. Like that time he was in a plane crash, met Lou Reed while he was a waiter or the fact that he once made 70+ consecutive free throws back in high school.
No big deal.
Except when his wife Beverly finds out he was invited to his old high school to be celebrated for his tremendous accomplishment. She said yes, regardless of what Murray wanted to do. Murray rebutted, but this is Beverly Goldberg we’re talking about. So, what happened? Beverly prepared dinner for her snuggle monsters and they left the kids under the careful supervision of their cool grandpa, Pops.
What could go wrong?
After a disappointing year for Barry, who never got his crush to even learn his name (“Gustav? I’m not the foreign exchange student!”), he wanted to do something big…something that people (ie-Lexy Bloom) would never forget. Younger brother-with-a-video-camera Adam put it best, with nothing short of pure elation.
“This is my Risky Business.”
There’s just one thing about the past, which is that it’s sometimes hard to match with the realities of the present. In some cases, this reality can hit as embarrassingly flat as an air ball at the free throw line in front of everybody during a break at the big game after shooting granny style. Despite the fact that that shooting technique may have been popular back in the day (sure it was Murray…), it’s a tough fall from grace and past invincibility. What can be even tougher is trying to create those memories of glory in the present.
Enter Barry, with the help of Pops, Erica and the always wandering and analog-recording eye of Adam.
The party (sorry, the Sweater Party) reminded me of when I was just a few months into the experience of being a SigEp (Sigma Phi Epsilon) at college in the northeast during 2000-something, far from my home in Ohio. I was shy, basically only saying “here” at chapter meetings. There was a shortage of participants for the annual “Greek God and Goddess” competition.
I reluctantly volunteered.
Panicked, I had to think of a talent…Then, it hit me like the fully-loaded truck in this funny commercial I thankfully remembered. After recruiting two of my female friends from down the hall in my dorm and making them an offer they couldn’t and didn’t refuse, they agreed to join me for the performance of my life. During the day, before the performance, I called my Mom and told her what I was planning on doing. I was completely surprised at her response. She said, “Well, if you’re going to do it…then really shake it!”
After changing from my self-made toga, I was now walking up the stairs and onto the stage in front of the entire university Greek life with my two giggling backup dancers. I saw the shocked looks on my brothers’ faces, turned and waited for the music. Once the music started, I turned back to the audience in a tight pink tank top and a short pink skirt and mouthed the words, “let’s go girls.” Yes, I lip-synched and danced to Shania Twain’s empowering anthem “Man, I Feel Like a Woman.” An unexpected standing ovation later and everything had changed forever for the better. I could comfortably talk to girls, including one girl in particular that I had a crush on (who was one of my backup dancers…) like never before and had confidence like never before. And all it took was being random, goofy and dressing like a woman. Who knew?
Barry, who after being caught by his furious parents for throwing a massive party, gave a sincerely inspiring speech about his disappointing year. This convinced Murray to give him 10-minutes to live out his “glory days.” Mine and Barry’s dancing opened us both up to throw our instincts of embarrassment and fear out the window and to follow Bon Jovi’s words to just ‘live on a prayer’ and have fun.
“You’ve seen him run. He needs this.”
There are moments in life when the setting is perfect for letting loose and taking a shot. Barry finally got the genuine attention of Lexy Bloom by letting go of trying to impress her with cheesy lines by just being his carefree self in those glorious 10-minutes while wearing a fly, quintessentially ’80s Adidas track suit before being grounded for the summer with sweater dry cleaning duty (plus a kissing sesh with Erica’s BFF on the dance floor to make Lexy jealous!).
Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how we look when we take a shot in life, it’s just a matter of if we can get it in the hoop.
The Goldbergs: Season 2 is happening this Fall at 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday nights on ABC!
P.S. Let’s do this, ’80s style!
Picking a Lineup of 23
Jürgen Klinsmann, head coach of the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT), has named his 30-man preliminary roster for the 2014 World Cup this summer. The final print-out of tickets to Brazil will be handed-out June 2nd for 23 lucky gentlemen men who will receive the honor to don the Red, White & Blue on the biggest soccer/footballing stage in the world.
The list is a dynamic collection of past World Cup stand-outs, familiar MLS veterans and a small group of European-based youngsters who will surely guide the USMNT the next several years. Here is the breakdown of the roster, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:
GOALKEEPERS (3): Brad Guzan (Aston Villa), Tim Howard (Everton), Nick Rimando (Real Salt Lake)
DEFENDERS (11): DaMarcus Beasley (Puebla), Matt Besler (Sporting Kansas City), John Brooks (Hertha Berlin), Geoff Cameron (Stoke City), Timmy Chandler (Nürnberg), Brad Evans (Seattle Sounders), Omar Gonzalez (LA Galaxy), Clarence Goodson (San Jose Earthquakes), Fabian Johnson (Hoffenheim), Michael Parkhurst (Columbus Crew), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders)
MIDFIELDERS (10): Kyle Beckerman (Real Salt Lake), Alejandro Bedoya (Nantes), Michael Bradley (Toronto FC), Joe Corona (Club Tijuana), Brad Davis (Houston Dynamo), Mix Diskerud (Rosenborg), Maurice Edu (Philadelphia Union), Julian Green (Bayern Munich), Jermaine Jones (Besiktas), Graham Zusi (Sporting Kansas City)
FORWARDS (6): Jozy Altidore (Sunderland), Terrence Boyd (Rapid Vienna), Clint Dempsey (Seattle Sounders), Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy), Aron Johannsson (AZ Alkmaar), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes)
There are an infinite number of variables that will play out in Brazil with an infinite number of potential results, actions and reactions. Is this roster perfect? Depends on who is answering. Were there a couple players I wished were given a shot at training with the USMNT for the past couple years? Yes, but it’s too late now.
At this point, the most critical question that should be asked is whether there is a combination of 11-16 players who will start and/or serve as super-subs for those moments when playing Ghana, Portugal and Germany when the U.S will have their backs against the wall with multiple goals needed in a 22-minute span after going down 2-nil in the 68′. Or maybe a star player will go down with a surprise injury. Can someone make a name for himself and for the team in a situation of desperation? Fortunately for American fans, Coach Klinsmann has shown his proficiency and an expertise for “the super-sub” during several games the past couple years with surprisingly fast, fantastic results.
But how will these super-subs fare against super competition?
Without knowing the final 23-man roster, it’s difficult to begin examining on-field formations. There will a post with this analysis after the final roster is named in early June.
For now, it’s appropriate to analyze this roster. First off, was it a good idea to leave off Eddie Johnson? Yes. And yes again. In fact, thank you Jürgen Klinsmann.
Looking at the names above, it’s a legitimate inquiry to wonder what kind of team Klinsmann wants in Brazil. Filled with predictable, safe and known entities? Open and unpredictable with a bevy of next-generation USMNT leaders? Or a combination in-between? He’s got a few World Cup freshman in Mix Diskerud (23), Aron Johannsson (23), Terrence Boyd (23) and Julian Green (18) who could really shake the USMNT’s cherry tree of founding principles with dynamic, fearless play. Are either of them in or near their prime? No. But there is something about talented freshman, regardless of sport, where they play just because they want to have fun without backing down to anybody. They’ll try things. They’ll experiment with a move here and there, a clever combination play here and there or with shots that get past the goalkeeper here and there.
When you’re competing against world-class talent and world-class coaching, the element of surprise cannot be underestimated.
Even if you don’t see it coming.
Happy Monday!
Yesterday was Mother’s Day, but we shouldn’t reserve all of our gratitude and love for our Mom’s for just one day a year. Kevin Durant (of the NBA’s Oklahoma City Thunder) was a great example of this recently while he was accepting his MVP Award with a speech that’s become a sensation for all the right reasons as he thanked the one person who pushed him to levels he wasn’t always sure he could reach.
A truly inspiring team effort.
Happy Monday, with a Special Shout-Out to All the Most Valuable Moms!