What’s going on in Portland, Oregon? That’s a common question everyone asks on a Wednesday, right?
I’m actually not sure, other than it’s been raining quite a bit lately. However, in TV’s hilarious mirror-reflection of the famous hipster city, there are mixed feelings these days. And it’s all because of the attached letters “ia” at the end of Portland.
Series Finale Idea: End on a live-shot with the show’s stars Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein surrounded by their Portlandia crew at Portland staple Voodoo Doughnut biting into a delicious new sugary treat inspired by and named after the show.
Season 8 is Portlandia’s final season and will premiere tomorrow night on IFC at 10 p.m.
As you’ve read throughout the past couple weeks, the ongoing situation with the Columbus Crew and the shockingly bold and unrepentant deceit from scumbag Crew SC owner Anthony Precourt and scumbag MLS Commissioner Don Garber and the #SaveTheCrew movement are much more than a “huh, that’s interesting” moment or mere hashtag and rallying cry.
This is all deeply personal and this leads me to the next chapter in this winding, unfolding saga:
More specifically, authenticity in Austin, Texas.
“Keep Austin Weird” is the signature slogan that personifies the culturally weird city of Austin, Texas. And that weirdness is viewed as an affectionate label internally and externally. Moreover, it’s important to understand not only what makes Austin weird, but who makes Austin such a weirdly fun place to live.
Rick Smith, a current resident of Austin who used to live in suburban Columbus, recently spoke with news outlet MyStatesman located in Austin about a critical difference between the sports fanbases of Austin and Columbus in an article titled “1 team, 2 cities: Columbus fans ponder possibility of Crew to Austin.”
“A lot of people in Columbus are from there so they associate themselves in my eyes more with the Crew,” he said. “Here, everyone is associated with Dallas, with California, with the (New England) Patriots, Green Bay — with everything else. There’s so many more transplants here that if you bring a soccer team here I don’t think it will be noticed.”
–Chris Bils, MyStatesman Correspondent
Perception (cough cough Austin) versus reality (cough cough Columbus) isn’t always a tricky quandary to navigate, especially when the reality is a wonderfully historic and storied place when not actively sabotaged through horrific TV deals, a mountain of lying and a complete lack of presumed investments to fix small problems that are easily fixable (cough cough improved parking spaces and traffic patterns post-match).
I think I need to get some cough medicine; it’s that time of year.
Let’s always remember the tragic deception involving secret backdoor deals betraying the Columbus Crew and its faithful fans, including innocent Crew staff, for the past four years all began with the inauthenticity of Anthony Precourt and the inauthenticity of MLS Commissioner Don Garber towards Crew Nation and MLS followers as a whole.
BTW: Inauthenticity is putting it very lightly.
If Austin wants an MLS club, then build one from the ground up like Columbus did and work your ass off to make it your own. Being weird, which is literally what defines Austin, means never copying anyone or anything and being unique to your city’s famous rallying cry. In other words, being authentic. If (key word here) Austin wants an MLS club, it needs to evolve the right way like Columbus with Lamar Hunt and his group of admirable business leaders in the mid-’90s. Any other scheme (key word here) to get an MLS club in the image of/literally from another city would be a form of stealing and just flat-out weird…
and not in a good way, Austin.
It’s Friday the 13th.
Wait, it feels like there’s some weird déjà vu going on here…
That’s right, we’re only into the third month of 2015 and we’re already experiencing the second Friday the 13th. As if bad luck’s shadow didn’t linger far enough the first time, now we must be vigilant for the second month in a row. But that’s not all: November will bring us the third Friday the 13th of the year.
Is it possible the Mayans were off by three years?
The challenge is to refrain from stepping on a crack that will break our mother’s back, avoid that black cat and don’t even look in a mirror today, let alone walk under a straddling ladder. The latter with the ladder is a sentence I’ve wanted to write for a long time. Check. While sorcerers do not walk among us (except for Nicolas Cage), there have always been unexplained phenomena in the world. The ambiguity of life sparks curiosity and expectation because we instinctively keep a look out for supernatural events. So, keep your eyes open and good luck avoiding the terrible trappings of Friday the 13th: Round 2.
By the way, I think Groundhog Day finally found its sequel.