Spoiler Alert: This post contains content featured in the October 29, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs

“Home is where the heart is”

This Hallmark-worthy sentiment seems to be the antithesis of how the Goldbergs feel about their home. Instead, it’s more like, “home is where each person has their individual space, preferences and buffer zone.” This includes Adam’s future home with his wife and four snuggle-loving boys as revealed by America’s favorite Smother Beverly. And yet, Adam is already not happy about having to move his action figures from the garage to the basement to make room for the woman ‘who made him, with her own body.’

This conversation all started with a tray of flammable shots mistakenly lit by retired party-animal Pops during his rockin’ Halloween soirée.

Trick or treat indeed…

It’s become a familiar and trying debate for all families who must confront where their retired parents and/or grandparents will reside in their later years. Some say they should move-in with their children and grandchildren (Beverly with the usual passion of a thousand suns), while others believe in moving them into a retirement community (Murray, Erica, Adam, Barry…and Pops?). This sparks an electrically-charged debate centered on personal preferences (ie – the thermostat), routines sans a hanging tie and imaginary scenarios involving future protocol for treating the current heads of the Goldberg household.

Well, Beverly, to be specific.

This conundrum can be as intense as mixing Coke with Pop Rocks. While it surprisingly doesn’t bring about instant death (major relief!), it can cause severe indigestion when combined with way, way too much Halloween candy, followed by a rap declaring your love for your high school crush. Just remember to spell her name crrecotly. Of course, Barry bravely stepped-up for this 1980-something challenge for the ages. With a backup beat from the JTP, it was nothing short of glorious…in a disaster kind of way.

While the issues of determining the validity of a retirement home for your grandfather or helping a sibling to spend time with a friend of your they had a crush on have yet to apply to me, instances of supporting family have countless times. We do it because we love our family, despite how crazy, outlandish and utterly ridiculous they are. It’s being there to listen, to drive over late at night to read my nephew a bedtime story or indulging in something you had absolutely no interest in, like going to a George Carlin concert with your excited younger brother. There may have been some Bushido Code, an ancient samurai tradition, involved with that concert. But the latter is a critical skill to have and to polish from time-to-time because it can reveal important truths, like when Pops told his daughter Beverly that he preferred to live in a retirement community as opposed to her house…even with the bachelor pad-constructed attic that Beverly put together with some light dusting and window additions. Or when Erica caves and convinces her best friend Lainey to spend some time with her idiotic brother Barry in the hospital. Remember the Coke and Pop Rocks + Halloween candy + a love rap in the middle of school? Yup, to many people’s surprise, that sequence of events was not the best idea. But that’s partly what life is all about, seeing how many awesome things (by our own definitions, of course) we can do and pushing our limits to the max.

Like the good people at Nike always say, “just do it.” And like the Goldbergs always say, “family takes care of family.”

Also, a safety tip from Beverly Goldberg for all those anxious trick-or-treaters tonight and when they should eat their candy: “Not until we take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed!”

Family also makes us crazy.