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Got Slogans?
A recent article on CNN revealed the winning slogans for all the teams that will be playing at the World Cup in Brazil this summer. The winning slogans, written by fans from each country, will be displayed on the team buses for all to see during the tournament. A few are good, but most of them are bad.
Solution?
Here is Jimmy’s Daily Planet’s list of better, more realistic team mottoes for some of the 32 teams that will compete in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil:
Algeria: “Yes, We’ll Keep Track of Landon Donovan This Time”
Argentina: “We Have Lionel Messi, So Yeah”
Australia: “Forget Kangaroos, We’re Bringing Our Damn Crocodiles!”
Belgium: “At the End of This, You’ll All Be Eating Waffles”
Bosnia and Herzegovina: “If You Lose to Us, Everybody Will Know”
Brazil: “Win or Lose, We’ll Be in the Final!”
Colombia: “We Brought Our Own White Powder to Line the Fields With…”
England: “Excited For Our 10-Day Vacation Every 4 Years!”
Ghana: “Time to Beat the U.S. Again”
Honduras: “Just Happy to Be Here”
Italy: “And You Thought a Flower Blew Over Easily”
Japan: “We Have the Sudoku of Defenses”
Mexico: “We Have No Idea How We Got Such an Easy Group Again (Ju$t Kidding, We Know)”
Holland: “Real Men Wear Orange” (It’s the real one, but it’s so awesome & true!)
Portugal: “We Have a Star Player Named Ronaldo Who Speaks Portuguese Playing at the World Cup in Brazil…I Mean, C’mon”
Russia: “What’s This Rule About Wearing Jerseys?”
Spain: “Hey, Does Anybody Care or Want to See the World Cup Right Now!?”
Switzerland: “We Don’t Want to Offend or Defend Anyone”
Uruguay: “South America’s ‘Middle Child’ Will Be Kicking Butts & Taking Names!”
The United States of America: “One Nation, Under God, We’re Praying”
A little truth in advertising doesn’t hurt. It definitely revealed how Spain would fare 4 years ago with their simple slogan:
Spain in 2010: “We’re Going to Win”
P.S. You have no idea how painful it was for me to write that as a longtime and dedicated Dutch fan…just one delicate foot deflection away!
Damn, it still hurts.
Picking a Lineup of 23
Jürgen Klinsmann, head coach of the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT), has named his 30-man preliminary roster for the 2014 World Cup this summer. The final print-out of tickets to Brazil will be handed-out June 2nd for 23 lucky gentlemen men who will receive the honor to don the Red, White & Blue on the biggest soccer/footballing stage in the world.
The list is a dynamic collection of past World Cup stand-outs, familiar MLS veterans and a small group of European-based youngsters who will surely guide the USMNT the next several years. Here is the breakdown of the roster, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:
GOALKEEPERS (3): Brad Guzan (Aston Villa), Tim Howard (Everton), Nick Rimando (Real Salt Lake)
DEFENDERS (11): DaMarcus Beasley (Puebla), Matt Besler (Sporting Kansas City), John Brooks (Hertha Berlin), Geoff Cameron (Stoke City), Timmy Chandler (Nürnberg), Brad Evans (Seattle Sounders), Omar Gonzalez (LA Galaxy), Clarence Goodson (San Jose Earthquakes), Fabian Johnson (Hoffenheim), Michael Parkhurst (Columbus Crew), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders)
MIDFIELDERS (10): Kyle Beckerman (Real Salt Lake), Alejandro Bedoya (Nantes), Michael Bradley (Toronto FC), Joe Corona (Club Tijuana), Brad Davis (Houston Dynamo), Mix Diskerud (Rosenborg), Maurice Edu (Philadelphia Union), Julian Green (Bayern Munich), Jermaine Jones (Besiktas), Graham Zusi (Sporting Kansas City)
FORWARDS (6): Jozy Altidore (Sunderland), Terrence Boyd (Rapid Vienna), Clint Dempsey (Seattle Sounders), Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy), Aron Johannsson (AZ Alkmaar), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes)
There are an infinite number of variables that will play out in Brazil with an infinite number of potential results, actions and reactions. Is this roster perfect? Depends on who is answering. Were there a couple players I wished were given a shot at training with the USMNT for the past couple years? Yes, but it’s too late now.
At this point, the most critical question that should be asked is whether there is a combination of 11-16 players who will start and/or serve as super-subs for those moments when playing Ghana, Portugal and Germany when the U.S will have their backs against the wall with multiple goals needed in a 22-minute span after going down 2-nil in the 68′. Or maybe a star player will go down with a surprise injury. Can someone make a name for himself and for the team in a situation of desperation? Fortunately for American fans, Coach Klinsmann has shown his proficiency and an expertise for “the super-sub” during several games the past couple years with surprisingly fast, fantastic results.
But how will these super-subs fare against super competition?
Without knowing the final 23-man roster, it’s difficult to begin examining on-field formations. There will a post with this analysis after the final roster is named in early June.
For now, it’s appropriate to analyze this roster. First off, was it a good idea to leave off Eddie Johnson? Yes. And yes again. In fact, thank you Jürgen Klinsmann.
Looking at the names above, it’s a legitimate inquiry to wonder what kind of team Klinsmann wants in Brazil. Filled with predictable, safe and known entities? Open and unpredictable with a bevy of next-generation USMNT leaders? Or a combination in-between? He’s got a few World Cup freshman in Mix Diskerud (23), Aron Johannsson (23), Terrence Boyd (23) and Julian Green (18) who could really shake the USMNT’s cherry tree of founding principles with dynamic, fearless play. Are either of them in or near their prime? No. But there is something about talented freshman, regardless of sport, where they play just because they want to have fun without backing down to anybody. They’ll try things. They’ll experiment with a move here and there, a clever combination play here and there or with shots that get past the goalkeeper here and there.
When you’re competing against world-class talent and world-class coaching, the element of surprise cannot be underestimated.
Even if you don’t see it coming.
Golfing in Brazil
4 years ago, the Americans paraded around South Africa in a beauty pageant sash. This year, it’s a golf shirt/polo shirt (whichever you prefer). I want to offer a special congratulations to the entire Creative Department for the USMNT Soccer Jerseys and Uniforms at Nike for (again) successfully implementing that rare business plan centered on the premise of designing bland/unimaginative/terrible-looking jerseys that will sell like the complete opposite of something that sells like crazy.
With the biggest window for American commerce to soccer (which only presents itself every 4 years, mind you), Nike has again managed to design the most confusingly bizarre, plain-looking jerseys with the best colors and creative opportunities at their fingertips in red, white and blue, coupled with America’s amazingly inspiring history.
Nike has the vivid colors of red and blue at their disposal and they chose all white. The jerseys don’t need to be loud, but there are infinite possibilities regarding attractive color combinations and sharp designs for a quintessential American look that projects belief, talent and relentless heart (the collar should, without question, be blue by the way).
Is this uniform supposed to symbolize the vanilla and often predictable and mundane ball movement of the USMNT players on the field? If so, then maybe this uniform works.
Where is the creativity from the red and white striped-“Waldo” jerseys?
The premiere of the 2014 World Cup jerseys/uniforms for the United States could not have demonstrated less creativity or fewer instances of inspiring imagination on the part of Nike.
Interestingly, Nike has proven that simplicity can certainly work (see the new oranje Dutch 2014 World Cup jersey/uniform), but it has also proven the opposite (see the American 2014 World Cup jersey/uniform).
Nike had 4 years…4 years. It’s almost unbelievable.
Usually the terms “cash cow” and “soccer” don’t joyfully collide in the United States…and sadly, after this recent jersey/uniform reveal, they still won’t.
Yes, heat will be at least some issue and white is the best color to combat heat. But that’s no excuse for what Nike ultimately and willfully designed. Plus, the heat will not be the determining factor for the USMNT in Brazil. It just won’t. A darker jersey will not prevent them or be the deciding reason for why the USMNT may not progress out of their very difficult group.
Where’s Waldo?
Hopefully in Brazil this summer!
P.S. I had a jersey idea about a year and a half ago…

The Beautiful Match?
May 9
Posted by jimmy11lentz
It’s Friday night. People are out. Candles are lit. Magic is in the air, but will Houdini show up and put on a show for the ages or will it be the neighborhood rookie attempting a performance far beyond his skill-set?
Either way, there’s only one man who can tell this story as it happens without getting the least bit nervy.
In the play-by-play sense, he’s a player in his own right.
Talk about pulling out a Diego Forlán in stoppage time.
Gol!
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Tags: awkwardness, Brazil, commentary, dating, Diego Forlán, England, entertainment, ESPN, football, Houdini, Ian Darke, men and women, popular culture, romance, soccer, sports, The 2014 World Cup, The United States of America, video clip