Blog Archives
Got Slogans?
A recent article on CNN revealed the winning slogans for all the teams that will be playing at the World Cup in Brazil this summer. The winning slogans, written by fans from each country, will be displayed on the team buses for all to see during the tournament. A few are good, but most of them are bad.
Solution?
Here is Jimmy’s Daily Planet’s list of better, more realistic team mottoes for some of the 32 teams that will compete in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil:
Algeria: “Yes, We’ll Keep Track of Landon Donovan This Time”
Argentina: “We Have Lionel Messi, So Yeah”
Australia: “Forget Kangaroos, We’re Bringing Our Damn Crocodiles!”
Belgium: “At the End of This, You’ll All Be Eating Waffles”
Bosnia and Herzegovina: “If You Lose to Us, Everybody Will Know”
Brazil: “Win or Lose, We’ll Be in the Final!”
Colombia: “We Brought Our Own White Powder to Line the Fields With…”
England: “Excited For Our 10-Day Vacation Every 4 Years!”
Ghana: “Time to Beat the U.S. Again”
Honduras: “Just Happy to Be Here”
Italy: “And You Thought a Flower Blew Over Easily”
Japan: “We Have the Sudoku of Defenses”
Mexico: “We Have No Idea How We Got Such an Easy Group Again (Ju$t Kidding, We Know)”
Holland: “Real Men Wear Orange” (It’s the real one, but it’s so awesome & true!)
Portugal: “We Have a Star Player Named Ronaldo Who Speaks Portuguese Playing at the World Cup in Brazil…I Mean, C’mon”
Russia: “What’s This Rule About Wearing Jerseys?”
Spain: “Hey, Does Anybody Care or Want to See the World Cup Right Now!?”
Switzerland: “We Don’t Want to Offend or Defend Anyone”
Uruguay: “South America’s ‘Middle Child’ Will Be Kicking Butts & Taking Names!”
The United States of America: “One Nation, Under God, We’re Praying”
A little truth in advertising doesn’t hurt. It definitely revealed how Spain would fare 4 years ago with their simple slogan:
Spain in 2010: “We’re Going to Win”
P.S. You have no idea how painful it was for me to write that as a longtime and dedicated Dutch fan…just one delicate foot deflection away!
Damn, it still hurts.
Picking a Lineup of 23
Jürgen Klinsmann, head coach of the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT), has named his 30-man preliminary roster for the 2014 World Cup this summer. The final print-out of tickets to Brazil will be handed-out June 2nd for 23 lucky gentlemen men who will receive the honor to don the Red, White & Blue on the biggest soccer/footballing stage in the world.
The list is a dynamic collection of past World Cup stand-outs, familiar MLS veterans and a small group of European-based youngsters who will surely guide the USMNT the next several years. Here is the breakdown of the roster, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:
GOALKEEPERS (3): Brad Guzan (Aston Villa), Tim Howard (Everton), Nick Rimando (Real Salt Lake)
DEFENDERS (11): DaMarcus Beasley (Puebla), Matt Besler (Sporting Kansas City), John Brooks (Hertha Berlin), Geoff Cameron (Stoke City), Timmy Chandler (Nürnberg), Brad Evans (Seattle Sounders), Omar Gonzalez (LA Galaxy), Clarence Goodson (San Jose Earthquakes), Fabian Johnson (Hoffenheim), Michael Parkhurst (Columbus Crew), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders)
MIDFIELDERS (10): Kyle Beckerman (Real Salt Lake), Alejandro Bedoya (Nantes), Michael Bradley (Toronto FC), Joe Corona (Club Tijuana), Brad Davis (Houston Dynamo), Mix Diskerud (Rosenborg), Maurice Edu (Philadelphia Union), Julian Green (Bayern Munich), Jermaine Jones (Besiktas), Graham Zusi (Sporting Kansas City)
FORWARDS (6): Jozy Altidore (Sunderland), Terrence Boyd (Rapid Vienna), Clint Dempsey (Seattle Sounders), Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy), Aron Johannsson (AZ Alkmaar), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes)
There are an infinite number of variables that will play out in Brazil with an infinite number of potential results, actions and reactions. Is this roster perfect? Depends on who is answering. Were there a couple players I wished were given a shot at training with the USMNT for the past couple years? Yes, but it’s too late now.
At this point, the most critical question that should be asked is whether there is a combination of 11-16 players who will start and/or serve as super-subs for those moments when playing Ghana, Portugal and Germany when the U.S will have their backs against the wall with multiple goals needed in a 22-minute span after going down 2-nil in the 68′. Or maybe a star player will go down with a surprise injury. Can someone make a name for himself and for the team in a situation of desperation? Fortunately for American fans, Coach Klinsmann has shown his proficiency and an expertise for “the super-sub” during several games the past couple years with surprisingly fast, fantastic results.
But how will these super-subs fare against super competition?
Without knowing the final 23-man roster, it’s difficult to begin examining on-field formations. There will a post with this analysis after the final roster is named in early June.
For now, it’s appropriate to analyze this roster. First off, was it a good idea to leave off Eddie Johnson? Yes. And yes again. In fact, thank you Jürgen Klinsmann.
Looking at the names above, it’s a legitimate inquiry to wonder what kind of team Klinsmann wants in Brazil. Filled with predictable, safe and known entities? Open and unpredictable with a bevy of next-generation USMNT leaders? Or a combination in-between? He’s got a few World Cup freshman in Mix Diskerud (23), Aron Johannsson (23), Terrence Boyd (23) and Julian Green (18) who could really shake the USMNT’s cherry tree of founding principles with dynamic, fearless play. Are either of them in or near their prime? No. But there is something about talented freshman, regardless of sport, where they play just because they want to have fun without backing down to anybody. They’ll try things. They’ll experiment with a move here and there, a clever combination play here and there or with shots that get past the goalkeeper here and there.
When you’re competing against world-class talent and world-class coaching, the element of surprise cannot be underestimated.
Even if you don’t see it coming.
50 (or 3) Shades of Blue
To get into the right mindset for the impending weekend that’s just hours away, today’s post will consist of a few genuinely amazing pictures, spanning locations all across the globe. The following photographs have a stunning, borderline transcendent clarity.
Let’s see some wonderful shades of blue, shall we?
Take/live your next amazing photograph this weekend!
The New 5-Second Rule
There have been recent reports that the MLS brass is strongly considering flipping the American soccer fan’s world upside down by switching the MLS schedule to sync with the European leagues: From March-November to August-May. While on the surface it may seem like the natural progression to make, think about how much you really like cold weather. Let me clarify: how much do you like sitting in cold weather for 2-2 1/2 hours during the American Winter season?
The reception to this proposition is likely to be more than just chilly (yes, that just happened).
Snow coupled with bone-chillingly cold winds will sweep into several of the MLS stadiums (Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, Colorado, Salt Lake City, Kansas City, Chicago, Columbus, Montreal, D.C., Philadelphia, New York/New Jersey, Boston/Foxborough, Toronto) during what will be critical matches early on, where 3 points, impressive performances and late game heroics will be needed. Will this weather be conducive to coach’s and player’s expectations on the field for a significant and vital portion of the season?
Oh, and let’s not forget the fans. MLS, though growing, is still not Europe and will not automatically sell-out games, especially in frigidly cold weather. It’s also important to note that the Winter season in North America is more intense than the Winter season in much of Europe. Granted, Europe takes a month long break, ranging from part of December-part of January. Still, the first few months of the new year in North America is always cold.
At this point, there appears to be too many risky variables involved. While it would be cool to play games on the same schedule as the best leagues in the world, reality must also be considered. Currently, Summer in America mostly consists of soccer and baseball. That’s a good situation for MLS.
If there should be any changes to MLS, the top priority should be to bring back the Shootout: 5 seconds to score on a breakaway from 35 yards out. However, the starting spot should be moved to 25 yards out from goal to allow for slightly more time for the attacking player to be creative.
Bottom line: the shootout was always exciting!
With all the world class talent in Europe, could you imagine if those leagues adopted this measure? If you remember how exhilarating it was to watch MLS players participate in this overtime thrill ride, just think about Messi, Ronaldo, Robben, Özil, Van Persie, Iniesta, Rooney and Torres using their best tricks at pace on Neuer, Casillas and Buffon in a must-score/must-save situation!?
Now that would bring heat and electricity to “the beautiful game” in even the coldest weather.


