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Making a Fuss for the Restivus
Seinfeld taught us everything there is to know about nothing, which turned out to be everything we love twenty years later.
As the innovative Frank Costanza would say today, on December 23rd of each year, “Happy Festivus!”
Courtesy of the aforementioned Frank Costanza, the creator of “Festivus,” the world was given the platform to air-out their grievances whilst in the presence of our loved ones and an aluminum pole.
What’s my grievance this year?
That Festivus still isn’t a federally recognized holiday.
Ask yourself: Do you have an aluminum pole set upright in the middle of your home?
You would have the chance to get one if you had today off, with plenty of time in the evening to grieve, culminating in a hilarious wrestling match.
Happy Festivus!
P.S. A donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund.
Parental Icing
How sweet it is.
When traveling with family (that includes small children) for the holidays, it’s pivotal to understand and, dare I say, embrace the seven kinds of crazy.
It will happen. True story.
Beyond trying to prevent the inevitable, one of the keys to dealing with these random happenings is to see the wild shenanigans for what they are. How would we (or how did we) act in these same situations?
There are many “methods” for dealing with familial chaos, but it’s more fun to roll with (and in) it all.
(FYI – She’s right, yogurt definitely does not taste like cake)
And family definitely makes sure that every moment is memorable, especially during the holidays…with and without cake.
Smoke and Foam (No Mirrors)
Moving here, there and everywhere.
It’s almost Thanksgiving, which may include staying at home and awaiting a Noah’s Ark variety of family members (and their pets) showing up or bravely traveling away from home for a short holiday vacation. Either way, relaxation will inevitably be intercepted by stress at certain points the next few days and it’s important to anticipate this predictable chaos. There’s no magic escape to this reality. It could be cooking the turkey, parking everybody’s cars to comply with local laws, keeping screaming children quiet or ensuring the dinner conversation remains lighthearted and friendly (unless you’re celebrating Festivus). This way, whatever does arise out of nowhere can be resolved with the greatest demonstration of tranquil multitasking anybody has ever seen.
Well, second best…
Here’s to trying Kramer’s bar magic this holiday (sniff, sniff – if you know what I’m saying).
88 MPH to an ’88 (or so) Thanksgiving
In eight days, families from across the United States will gather together at their dinner table (and kid’s table) to individually and collectively give thanks for the blessings in their lives. There will be joyfulness from reminiscing about past memories, delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen and, above all else, complete and utter bedlam.
95% chaos, 5% peace and tranquility: Hello Thanksgiving!
Before we funnel into the designated house of our soon to be regretful host next week, one particular suburban Philadelphia family welcomed us into their home for a quintessential Thanksgiving celebration last night. While mission control was the kitchen and the commander was Beverly, the action spread far and wide on the Goldbergs premises.
Spoiler Alert for the DVR crowd for the latest episode of, “The Goldbergs”
The sons engaged in their made-up sibling game of “Ball Ball.” Or is it “Adam Ball” now…? The scenes with Adam and Barry (with Erica looking on, lounging on the spectator couch half-interested, half-rolling her eyes) was the perfect imagery of the glory that arises from a random, yet totally logical family game with a one-of-a-kind trophy to be used as a chalice at dinner for all to see.
In the case of this sibling game that involves knee pads, pillows, two hockey masks, a catchers mask and blue and yellow hula hoops scrunched in bean bag chairs, the age of old question between the older and the not-so much younger brother anymore is continuously answered:
Who’s the man? But what happens if that “one in a million” chance actually occurs? Then “the man” would have to be spelled A-D-A-M.
For Barry, the consequences would be comically dire.
When not fighting, this is the predominant therapy for how siblings interact with each other. This is how they bond. Are the rules absurd and never-ending? Will this ultimately lead to a colossal rematch for the ages that is the thing of legends and great mythology?
Yes, yes and yes!
And then, all of a sudden like something shot right outta thin air, the crazy (and oddly consistent) relative shows up with a grand entrance in a car that perfectly symbolizes the pure imagination of an entire decade and era of movies: the DeLorean DMC-12.
“Gotta get back in time!”
Huey Lewis and the News knows what that’s about.
Murray has always viewed his brother Marvin as a screw up, a chronically burdensome responsibility and, yes, a moron. Yet, during this Thanksgiving visit in 1980-something, Marvin promised it was different. Now working a “normal 9-5 job,” his future was assuredly looking brighter and smoother.
Did you know a triangle is the same shape as a pyramid?
A few mysteriously burning faces, an acknowledgement of basic geometry and a parking brake-less DeLorean DMC-12 on a hill later, the Goldbergs’ plus-1 was as unsettled as his car’s frame. Not even Beverly’s entertainingly deceitful promises to her fellow dinner companions in pursuit of her perfect Thanksgiving with a certain emphasis on the chef could have brought the harmony on the day she wanted it most.
No, it was going to take something much more powerful to change the dynamics of this disastrous day. In fact, it would take a curve ball.
In an act of sincere generosity sparked by a difficult, though necessary introspective, Marvin gave his big brother a small token of his lifelong appreciation for taking care of him when he was younger. It was a baseball. It was a memory. Perhaps most importantly, it was unexpected. Following this surprising gesture, Murray decided to bring his younger brother back into the future plans of his family’s Thanksgiving feast that evening.
What does a scheming in-law/uncle + a crazy grandfather + two battling brothers + a completely full of it (had already eaten turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce next door) teenage daughter + a thankful husband and family to their relentlessly hard-working wife and mother = ?
It equates to virtually everyone’s family at Thanksgiving.
By the end of the special Thanksgiving episode, “The Goldbergs” had confirmed the acutely accurate and reliable holiday formula: 95% entertaining chaos and 5% peace, tranquility and love.
With a full season ordered for, “The Goldbergs,” it’s a safe bet that lots of “fanz digit.”
P.S. Adam’s right, Harrison Ford does rule!
Jimmy's Daily Planet 