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You Need to Sit Down For This
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 8, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:
“You can have a second wedding?!”
Expressing love is a beautiful thing. This is especially true with regal pomp and circumstance, as best demonstrated by the British Royal Family in 1981 (and 2011). One of the mesmerized Americans across the pond was none other than Beverly Goldberg, admiring the exquisite attention paid to the blushing bride on her most special day in colorful clothes and a giant hat fit for a 1980-something American princess. And by Diana’s side was Charles, her strapping, romantic prince.
Then, there was Murray Goldberg, who literally sat down on a chair during his nuptials. Yes, that happened and it was recorded for all to see with perplexed wonder. But Murray is a simple man who is not a fan of wearing pants, or so he’d have you believe…
Inspired by the Royal Wedding, Beverly took her close friend’s advice and coaxed/strong-armed Murray into renewing their vows. This is when things got very interesting around the Goldberg household, specifically around the television set.
Meanwhile, Adam and his best bro Barry were busy rocking to classic ’80s hair band tunes in full ’80s hair band clothes in their garage (as it’s intended to be!). Despite the fact the one song they knew (by Barry standards) was by Twisted Sister, the top choices for their band’s name seemed to revolve around one word or name. Can you guess what it was? Here’s a hint: it rhymes with “marry” (had to). One of the suggestions was literally, “Little House on the Barry.” Actually, that is incredible! Still, it seems quite logical that their band name would have been Twisted Brothers, but maybe that was too obvious for a killer band name? It was a spectacularly awesome train wreck that, despite it’s lack of musical talent, was a show worthy of an early morning gig in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
Then, chaos slowly started to brew: Girls in a band (sister Erica and friend Lainey), a husband reciting a sitcom theme song as his wedding vows (Family Ties) and then having his wife hilariously confront her husband by claiming the theme song from The Facts of Life as her !#^%*! wedding vows.
After Barry failed again to sweep his crush Lainey off her feet, Murray (feeling guilty about his effort on his vows) consoled his oldest son by showing him the video of his nuptials…sitting down in a chair. Beverly thought it was because of a low blood sugar-type issue, but as Murray revealed to Barry, he was sitting because he was so overwhelmed by his blushing bride’s beauty and how she was completely out of his league. This was how I felt at the end of an amazing first date in the year 2000-something. We sat on a bench late at night, amusingly people watched, spoke for a little bit and then kissed under a romantic, glowing street light. The setting was perfect and so was she. Like Murray, sometimes us guys need the support of a seat to gain the strength to have an unforgettable moment with a girl who is out of our league.
Knowing deep down what he needed and wanted to do for his gorgeous wife, Murray prepared a sweet, formal ceremony at 4:00 a.m. (when Beverly set her alarm to watch the Royal Wedding) and had Pops lead her down into the backyard decorated with suburban Philadelphia style-pomp and circumstance and the family band playing “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles. He then proceeded to say his vows, from his heart, sans the help of a popular ’80s sitcom.
It was moment that, quite honestly, was out of the Royal Wedding’s league.
Here’s to every Twisted Family out there, sha-la-la-la-la!
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Starlight’s Goldberg Express
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 1, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:
“Jesus Christ Superstar” is a famous play with the most divine leading man. As a matter of fact, what has every person who has played the part of Jesus said immediately after hearing the good news (likely on a Friday)?
“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me!”
Anyways, Beverly’s most delicious snuggle monster Adam gave a spirited audition to play Jesus in the school play, but, sadly, it wasn’t enough. Instead, the part went to Data Dave Kim. Consequently, when Adam and girlfriend Dana Caldwell checked “the board” for the assigned parts, Adam’s finger devastatingly had to scroll onto the dreaded second page/second string of performers to discover his new role (literally).
“Sometimes, you just gotta be Todd the Apostle.”
Too distraught to properly congratulate Dana on getting assigned to play Mary, Adam went biblical to seek guidance from the only person who could help him in this tragic situation: His Smother. This led to a contentious meeting with the principal (who owed Beverly for introducing he and his wife years earlier…) and the casting director/director of “Jesus Christ Superstar.” In true Goldberg fashion, Beverly utilized some verbal jiu-jitsu to allow a second, rival play to open.
And would this be a second showing of “Jesus Christ Superstar” with a new cast? Well, let’s put it another way: what would make that play even better? Try adding skates and a killer disco soundtrack…
Yes, Adam was the new lead in a school production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Starlight Express!”
For anyone who has seen “Starlight Express,” all the characters sing, act and roller skate in perfect harmony. Yes, it’s just mildly ambitious for kids in middle school to master such skills in about a week or so. Enter the laughs!
Now, this part of the plot was personally satisfying because when I was around Adam’s age, I actually saw “Starlight Express” in Las Vegas with my family! The music, the flashing lights, the roller skating and the story was unforgettably fantastic. It was one of the coolest things I had ever seen and heard in my life. During the episode, Beverly bribes her daughter Erica to play the female lead and “thunder mama” herself served as the skating choreographer. While the rehearsing for “Starlight Express” was a disaster, the comedy was gold (as you’d expect). Unfortunately, Adam got too involved and too intense and a competitive streak developed with the rival play co-starring his girlfriend Dana. Eventually, both Adam and his mom came to their senses, conceded to the reality of “the board” and her precious angel returned to his supporting role as a made up apostle to Jesus.
As you do.
While the secondary storyline of this episode featured Barry and Murray leaving hockey games early to beat traffic, the storyline with “Starlight Express” between a loving mother and her baby boy rang especially true for this writer. It reminded me how a mom and her young son can genuinely relate and bond over a disco musical with roller skating while that boy is at that awkward age of not wanting to hang out with his parents. Thankfully, like Beverly, my mom was (and is still) willing to be goofy and silly with her son to spend time beyond just helping with homework and going clothes shopping.
I’d like to say more, but I don’t think I could do it as well as others:
The Goldbergs continue to show “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” with family.
Mixing ID’s
Spoiler Alert: This post contains details from the season 2 premiere of The Goldbergs:
“Pick a name”
“James Bond”
“Taken”
“Barry Bonds”
“Also taken”
“Barry Goldberg”
“That’s your name!”
“Erica Goldberg”
“That is my name!”
Now that television’s “summer break” is officially over, families like The Goldbergs have re-entered our lives with their perfectly placed ’80s references (a Lost Boys t-shirt anyone?), along with their all too familiar bickering between siblings and between siblings and parents. Of course, nothing seems to pull a family closer together than the dedicated art of a mixture tape.
(FYI: Mixture Tape = Mix Tape)
Let the awkward hilarity rejoice and begin anew in the suburbs of Philadelphia in 1980-something!
When young Adam had his first crush, feelings of love, excitement and nervousness seemed to paralyze him from communicating anything to Dana Caldwell beyond asking her if she wanted to poke a snake with a stick after school. Enter the glorious relationship gift called the “mix tape.” It was a certified gold gesture from the days of analog technology and the card game Uno. This way, Adam could let famous musicians express his true feelings for Dana instead of him.
Genius.
The only problem was that Adam left his romantic prize laying out for the one and only sMother (aka-his mom Beverly) to find it who obviously assumed it was meant for her. This led to the most delicious pancakes ever, Boo-Berry cereal and the public declaration that he was her favorite child…in front of her other two children.
Nothing could go wrong, right?
Meanwhile, Erica was teaching Barry how to obtain the coveted Fake ID. Naturally, with Barry involved, it led to one of the most amusing failed experiences of all-time. Plus, add in David Spade as the willing photo hut employee (for a double sitcom reunion, mind you) and you knew the laughs were coming. Please see the opening dialogue for a glimpse into this comedic exchange.
As Beverly convinced herself the mix tape was a loving tribute to her from her snuggle monster, this threw Adam’s universe into a tailspin. This relationship volcano erupted when Beverly gave Adam and his appreciative girlfriend Dana a ride home from a laser show. Beverly then proceeded to play “her” mix tape in the car and sing the title track, Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration.”
Yes, this happened. And then questions were asked from every direction.
Whose mix tape was it? Did Adam make the same mix tape for his girlfriend and his mom? Who was Adam’s true inspiration?
Some of you may even be asking, “what’s a mix tape?”
Bottom line: This created a disastrous conundrum for Adam. He had to fix his delicate relations with his girlfriend and his sMother. Like so many of the plot lines in these episodes, the season 2 premiere reminded me of a situation in my life. While there’s no single event that perfectly reflects what occurred in this episode, listening to my mom talk about her life and her experiences over the years has always made me really proud of what she’s accomplished and of who she is. Similar to Adam and Beverly, these feelings are usually expressed in actions rather than words, like when Beverly helped her snuggle monster win his girlfriend back with a spectacularly public laser redemption show starring Adam and Dana (and Beverly…). The point is that family will inevitably embarrass us at the most awkward times to be embarrassed, but they’ll also be there to bail us out when we need it the most.
Ask Barry, as he stood in front of the popular seniors with two bags of sandwiches gyro’s (sounds like) when his fully-clothed dad Murray came to the rescue whilst simultaneously busting his moron son for attempting to buy beer with a Fake ID.
Just Barry being Barry. Well, as Carlos Del Monaco actually.
Or ask me. After a girl I’d been dating for more than 2 months ended things with the devastating silent treatment, my mom responded by saying, “I think I’m going to have to go Beverly Goldberg on her ass.”
Mom, you’re an inspiration to me in so many ways!
Welcome back for your second season Goldbergs:
(Cinema Blend online)
Here’s to family!
Happy Throwback Thursday
As the weekend is fast approaching and since there was a totally awesome 2-hour Goldbergs marathon last night on ABC, it’s only right that Beverly Goldberg herself provide us all with a little guidance in the dancing department:
FYI – Beverly’s slow dance is known as, “The Snuggle Monster.”
Jimmy's Daily Planet 