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A is for “As You Wish”
Spoiler Alert: Content from this blog entry was featured in the April 22, 2015 episode of The Goldbergs
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
During the summer in 1991, The Rocketeer flew into our imaginations with rocket-fueled fun (don’t forget about the gum). To a six-year-old, it was a spectacular time to be alive. What was better than the idea of flying like Superman, without needing Kryptonian genetics, through the skies to save the world?
The answer was nothing.
Mesmerized, I took it upon myself to scrounge through my very own tool shed/kitchen drawers to find the necessary pieces to build my own personal flying machine. With an old garage door opener in hand, I was one click away from soaring to unknown heights and adventure! This enthusiasm was shared by Adam Goldberg in last night’s episode, except his cinematic obsession was the cult favorite, The Princess Bride. Specifically, it was the film’s famous sword fight that drew him in. Fought on a dramatically set cliff, the battle was intense and immensely entertaining. And the dialogue was surprisingly equitable and conversational.
Another battle fought on a cliff of sorts was between Adam and Murray, underscored by a jockeying of similar interests and ulterior motives. Using Westley-level charm, Adam convinced his stingy dad to buy him two fencing swords to practice in his “pursuit” of becoming a future Olympic champion. Unfortunately, the overly dramatic hijinks in The Princess Bride were no match for Murray, who saw right through his son’s grand manipulation. It also didn’t help that immediately after quitting fencing, Adam was sword fighting Dave Kim in his basement in full Princess Bride gear.
Plus, stabbing your father in the neck rarely helps anything.
Meanwhile, Beverly was busy being a yenta hell-bent on cross-fitting athletics with music. The result was the sweet sound of faculty romance (and kissing at school). The only downside was ruining Barry and Erica’s lives. Oh, and can’t forget about altering the stable career path of a certain music teacher. Besides that, this social experiment was a rousing success.
In order to fix everything, Beverly had to match up the unmatchable, romantically bitter teacher in his brown clothing from head -to-toe. But if this series has taught us anything, it’s that there are three words that inspire the greatest from Beverly Goldberg:
“Can’t be done.”
Back to Adam, he would need magic that could only be found in one place. The question was whether Murray would play along. This situation called for both sides to realize to be bigger than their own self-interests, no matter how embarrassing. Adam discovered his fencing inspiration from The Princess Bride for his fencing battle in front of a large crowd at school, including his dad and grandfather sitting front row center. And would you believe it? Embodying the goofy personalities from a movie led to an unexpected point for the swordsman-in-training. And in perfect harmony with his son, Murray literally embodied a giant character’s clothes (André, to be precise) from The Princess Bride movie for a scene of bonding with his youngest son and his friends after the match.
One of Adam’s dreams came true: His father understood the importance of an influential movie in his life.
You could say it was an inconceivable reality.
Whilst engaging in misguided hilarity, Beverly did manage to match the unmatchable with a little help from a future yenta. Erica couldn’t fight it, she has meddling DNA. In this instance, Beverly’s excitement nearly reached the adrenaline level achieved at a Jazzercise session.
This episode beautifully revealed that no matter how much we may resist things that we swear to ourselves are foolish and/or ridiculous, we are uncontrollably drawn to the foolish and ridiculous because, despite all logical reasoning, we know deep down that wishes are meant to come true.
Sometimes, all it takes is clicking play on a VCR…or an old garage door opener.
Happy Monday!
No matter how old we are, the sky’s the limit (literally).
That’s awesomeness x 100.
Push Your Limits This Week!
Pandemonium’s Playground is Open
A tornado unlike anything you’ve ever seen before is coming…
No, not that one. Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! will premiere on July 22nd at 9 p.m. ET on the Syfy network.
This tornado is filled with colossal upsets, trending dunks, dancing mascots and buzzer-beaters is finally touching ground in basketball arenas all across the United States today. March Madness, the wildest sports tournament in existence, is tipping off for the final 64 teams after a few teams were required to take an entrance exam for admittance earlier this week. From coast-to-coast, American companies will experience its lowest output for the year.
However, employee excitement levels will be off the charts.
Nobody has figured out an algorithm that is perfectly compatible for this tournament during any given year. That’s probably why sports fans anxiously await this momentous occasion. Any person has a shot at predicting correctly. The rationales for picking Team X or Team Y between Person A and Person B can see a variance as gaping as the Grand Canyon. And more surprising is that logic can and will only determine some of the results. The nature of March Madness is exactly that: madness. Therefore, each person’s bracket needs to have a few major upsets. There should probably be a Cinderella run by a mid-major. Mascot superiority and jersey colors will be determining factors. A few top teams will play exactly as expected. A 16-seed will never win.
As crazy as it reads, I strongly believe that a 16-seeded David will slay a Goliath sometime in the next few to several years. When this happens, the tournament will be deemed certifiably mad.
For some fun, listed below are a few highlights from my bracket:
- Every Iowa school (#7 Iowa, #3 Iowa State, #5 Northern Iowa) will win at least its first round game
- #11 The Dayton Flyers will see good fortune playing in Ohio, specifically in nearby Columbus
- #1 Duke and #2 UVA will meet in the Final Four for an epic ACC clash
- #7 Wichita State will shock the world and bring the entire state of Kentucky to tears en route to another Final Four
- #1 Wisconsin v #4 UNC will be must-see television
- The Arizona Wildcats will officially return to the college basketball summit by winning the 2015 National Championship with Sandra Bullock (“that wildcat behind the wheel”) sitting court side
Jim Nantz: You’re on.
That Sweet Buckeye Roll
(ESPN)
“Ohio Against the World”
There are shirts and sweatshirts with the above phrase proudly printed on them, one of which caught the eye of an ESPN cameraman. To say the least, it was fittingly awesome to see it on national television at the 2015 Sugar Bowl last night/this morning. After an exhilarating upset, a majority of people will say that Ohio State was a sleeping giant against the Alabama Crimson Tide.
And you know what, they’re right to some extent.
The Buckeyes were serious underdogs versus the cream-of-the-crop of the SEC in New Orleans (SEC country, by the way). After running, throwing, blocking, leaping and hitting the hardest they had all season, Ohio State continued to shock the college football world by slaying the biggest, baddest dragon in all the land.
42-35 is a score that will be remembered well beyond January of 2015. The dominating era of the SEC is over, while the Buckeyes have entered a new era of success that’s continuing to rise without a visible ceiling. Plus, the Big Ten (Michigan State, Ohio State, Rutgers, Wisconsin) is having one hell of an impressive bowl season. The results are changing and so is the perception, including Ann Arbor signing Jim Harbaugh.
It was also fitting that earlier yesterday Oregon absolutely blitzed and blew out the Florida State Seminoles 59-20 in the first College Football Playoff Semifinal in a national championship-like environment in the perfectly pristine Rose Bowl in picturesque Pasadena, California. It was fitting because the go-to college football blowout was Ohio State’s national championship disaster versus the Florida Gators 42-14 (we all remember who Florida’s coach was then too). On the same day the Buckeyes “officially” (2011 Sugar Bowl) beat the SEC and #1 team in the country, Winston and the Seminoles are now the standard-bearers for worst college football performance in a major game in recent memory.
From a Buckeye fan to all those down in Tallahassee, have fun with that sign on your back. And don’t think people will soon forget the poor sportsmanship of most of your players displayed when they walked off the field without shaking Oregon’s hands after the game. That nationally televised action spoke volumes regarding its program reputation.
The statistics in the 2015 Sugar Bowl are plentiful, but the ones that had the largest impact were:
- Third Down Conversions (OSU 10-18, AL 2-13)
- Total Yards (OSU 537, AL 407)
- Time of Possession (OSU 31:19, AL 28:41)
- Cardale Jones (243 Yards Passing, 43 Yards Rushing)
- Seven Different Ohio State Receivers Had Receptions
- Ezekiel Elliott (230 Yards on 20 Carries, Long of 85)
- Amari Cooper (71 Yards Receiving, Long of 15)
- Blake Sims (3 Interceptions, including a Pick-Six)
- Ohio State’s Reverse Touchdown Thrown by the 5th String Quarterback (Wide Receiver Evan Spencer) to Michael Thomas for the Catch of the Year
Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer has repeatedly said that the future is bright in Columbus and he’s absolutely right. In terms of his freshman and sophomores, plus another stellar recruiting class ready to arrive, the Buckeyes are here to stay. In fact, last night’s amazing upset was not only one for the ages, not only was it against the #1 team in the country, not only was it against the top team in the SEC and its top coach in the heart of SEC country and not only did the Buckeyes win with their third-string quarterback in his second career start (truly surreal), but Ohio State did it a year early. It was long-believed that the 2015/2016 season would be the year, but to Arlington, Texas Buckeye Nation will go.
The Buckeyes will be the underdogs in the 2015 National Championship game versus the sensationally electric Oregon Ducks at AT&T Stadium on January 12th. It will be a different type of challenge for the Scarlet and Gray, but not one that unfamiliar. Ohio State upset a similarly fast and dynamic Oregon Ducks squad in the 2010 Rose Bowl 26-17 when nobody in the national media gave them a shot. With that being said, the Oregon Ducks, led by Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota (ie -“Super Mariota”), will undeniably be a challenge worthy of a national championship.
Buckeye Nation is really hoping that their sleeping giant hasn’t fully woken up and that Urban Meyer and Co. are really good at Nintendo…and not just at beating “Super Mario Bros.,” but also that “Duck Hunt” game.
P.S. The nickname for Ohio State’s quarterback is 12-gauge…
Jimmy's Daily Planet 