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Parachuting into a Girl’s Heart
“Now we’re parachute pals!”
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of The Goldbergs from January 21, 2014:
For a young man in junior high, there comes a moment that happens but maybe once in his lifetime that transcends the very meaning of his existence on Earth.
What is this magical instance?
It’s the one time when a guy tries to be funny around a girl he likes and, as if the Gates of Heaven begin to open its doors, the girl genuinely laughs. She laughs! Then, by some miracle, she continues this miraculous event with a casual request “to save her a dance.” Inside a guy’s head, it might as well be the Fourth of July combined with Christmas!
Now, the difficult part. Learning to dance…
Adam’s conquest of securing his first dance with a girl can be viewed (in its initial stage of moving to his own rhythm courtesy of a television show) as a traffic accident in the middle of a busy intersection. Fortunately for him, members of his family were traveling on roads around the scene of this crash. But only one would have the jumper cables to provide the spark for Adam’s own Saturday Night Fever.
Who knew the best help kit would involve something tailor made for a skydiver?
Erica was busy on the phone with her own emergency, which involved her friend’s new car and the color yellow.
Got it. Enough said. No further questions needed.
Time to reluctantly seek some sort of “wisdom” across the hall. And Barry doesn’t disappoint. The older brother is confident, yet clueless. Or so it seemed…
Adam is left with his only option: television and a snuggie, plus some rad moves!
Sneaking up behind her adorable son awkwardly following the dance show he was mimicking, Beverly Goldberg tries to persuade her sweet little Adam to let her teach him to dance. He, as expected, refuses with the power of a thousand suns. Until he, to his pure shock, witnesses and comes to grips with what a star dancer his Mom was with moves comparable to John Travolta himself.
After mastering the first seven chapters or so, the money dance had arrived in his living room like the Publishers Clearing House knocking at their door. But would Adam open the door and accept the check?
Despite multiple formal and informal protests, Adam was eventually persuaded by his Mom to…(deep breath) slow dance. Adam and his Mom knew that this was the real dance he wanted to learn to impress the girl of his dreams.
How did it go?
Let’s put it this way: It was embarrassing, uncomfortable and a little more embarrassing, but it was solving his problem.
Until…
Beverly then pulled her son in close in the most hilariously creepy yet adorable way possible with the rationale, “You smell like the dryer!” It was a successful dance lesson, but it was definitely over.
Despite a moment that was more awkward than A Flock of Seagulls haircut, the mission was mostly complete. Adam learned how to dance, while also maintaining the mental image of Barry dancing like the fourth, white member of Run DMC on a large piece of cardboard in the basement.
Then, when things couldn’t get any better, Beverly gave Adam parachute…the 1980s version of wait for it…pants! Yes, it happened! Combined with the perfect stone washed denim jacket, Adam was ready for takeoff. That was until his Mom popped out from the kitchen the day of the dance with the exact same outfit and the breaking news that she was a chaperone.
Elvis cannot leave the building.
In a panic, Adam implored his sister Erica to help distract their Mom with a photo album project (all he had to do was stop saying he ” loved her” for this favor). Hours would be needed. Success was on the horizon. But this is Beverly Goldberg we’re talking about and she pieced together a photo album for the ages in no time.
Literally.
Shell-shocked and impressed, Erica was powerless to stop her Mother from going to Adam’s dance. Something big was going to happen…
While all of this was occurring, Barry was pretending not to know anything about “the birds and the bees” to his Dad because he was upset Murry never sat him down for “the talk” or anything else like that (thank goodness Pops was there). But Murry was strong-armed by his wife to finally give him “the talk.” Enter hilarious baseball analogies concerning Mike Schmidt, Wade Boggs and the dual sport athlete Bo Jackson. Plus a Fraggle reference.
“Bo can be a girl’s name.”
“They (Fraggles) dance their cares away!”
At the school dance, Adam speaks to his Mom and forces her to go away out of embarrassment. Devastated, Beverly listens and slowly makes her way out of the gymnasium. While this is happening, Adam meets up with his crush, but she’s too humiliated to dance because her Mom (also a chaperone) was dancing in the middle of the dance floor.
What now!?
A quick realization of what his Mom had done for him with the dance lesson and awesome clothing, Adam ran out of the gym to his sulking Mom and begged her to return. And being the star Beverly was, she not only returned, but she brought everyone (including her son’s crush) to the dance floor with her Travolta swagger and “The Safety Dance” (fitting for Adam’s car wreck of a beginning to dancing).
Then, as the music for the slow dance came on, Beverly cleverly maneuvered her fellow chaperone to the sidelines for her son’s and her daughter’s magical moment.
The dance had arrived and it was perfect…except for his Mom mouthing, “I love you” with emotional hand motions from the large door window only 30 paces away.
After realizing he had never had any of “the talks” with Barry, Murry finally decided to teach him something now. His lesson turned out to be much more than just a party trick to open a bottle to Barry…and Murry.
There is no “official” manual for parenting, which brings to mind a cause for celebration when creativity randomly flourishes from the minds of a Mom or Dad in the form of parachute pants, Fraggles and Wade Boggs.
“I was living for a dream, loving for a moment, taking on the world, that was just my style…”
“The Goldbergs” is Television Heaven
“So it does involve treasure.”
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of The Goldbergs from January 14, 2014.
We all remember being in high school and taking part in college fairs and enjoying the wild circus known as class elections. The latter consisted of our fellow classmates who would state their positions on various issues and makes sensible, reasoned promises like building a two-story winding water slide that splashes into the cafeteria where there would be a free towel and soda waiting for us to quench our thirst before biology.
Then, the kids finally told their parents to stop helping them with their campaigns.
Beverly and Betsy, this means you.
And there may be no better example of maternal love and support of all things motherly on television than the incomparable Beverly Goldberg. Whether this involves scaring her son away from his interest in the University of Hawaii by saying the school is surrounded by sharks or by hanging blown-up, embarrassing pictures of her son in every hallway of his school for everyone (including his blonde crush) to see with an image that’s downright unforgettable.
Beverly Goldberg is “a shoulder-padded, crunchy-haired mother warrior.”
While Barry was enduring the high-stakes game of high school politics (with and without berry bombs), Erica and Adam each had their own crisis to confront.
Erica, a former model student in the classroom (just not in Senegal), was confiding in her unwilling Pops with a pastrami sandwich about how she had been successfully scamming her Mom about all the extracurricular activities she was boasting on her college application. This reveal caused an uncomfortable, but therapeutic, flashback of her days in the Model U.N.
She was studious. She did lots of work. She was a mini-Beverly driven by an unrelenting Type A personality. This ultimately led to a battle between Libya and Senegal that could not be resolved peacefully.
This inner conflict led to Erica resigning from the U.N. (but not on her application, of course) for a much cooler, laid back approach to academics and life in general.
She had checked out, which brings us to Adam and his Dad at the Video Heaven movie store.
Yes, there was a glorious time in the history of Mankind when men, women and children would dare to leave the comfort of their own homes and venture off to a video store where they would walk through a maze of movies (new and old) in search of “the one.” But, the catch was there needed to be a VHS or DVD behind the empty cover box on the shelf. If not, Friday night was a bust. Game over.
All was lost, including one’s very soul…at least until the next day when the shelves were hopefully restocked.
There was always the return bin, but that was the last resort. Most importantly, or at least on the same level as “Be Kind, Rewind,” was the existence of the late fees. Murray Goldberg realized the horrible ramifications for not returning a movie on-time: a bullet through his wallet!
A dejected Adam, who had discovered an Indiana Jones in the return bin, was denied by the clerk because of an outrageous fine to his Dad’s forgetfulness to return the Paul Newman-led movie masterpiece Slap Shot, unleashed a fury on Murray that seemed impossible to resolve.
Incredibly, with the odds against each of the Goldbergs (except for the preoccupied, sandwich eating Pops), each found his and her inspiration and strength in doing the uncomfortable.
Barry decided to start caring about his campaign for Treasurer by publicly denouncing his Mother’s insanity and all mothers’ insanity to great applause, fanfare and an impossible victory, Erica chose peace and reconciliation with the Model U.N. and with her personal struggle with Senegal and what that country represented to her, Beverly took her foot off the pedal of a high school class treasurer’s race along with her battle for parental supremacy with arch rival Betsy, Murray paid his outrageous fine (though the math did add up) and Adam forgave his Dad for a lost night of action, adventure and all-around Harrison Ford greatness.
For Murray, swallowing his pride, admitting he was wrong to someone outside his immediate family and doing something unforgettably nice for his son Adam (for two months anyways) was one heck of a long shot. Some may even argue it symbolized a last second, seemingly impossible slap shot to win the game…
Adam had in his hands an official card to Video Heaven with 50 prepaid rentals. For those of us who remember such cards, it was a moment of pure bliss and awesomeness.
Maybe listening to Toto will bring us to the yellow brick road where it will, in a surreal sense, lead us back to our own Video Heaven.
As a former patron and employee at Blockbuster, this episode rang especially true. The movie store scenes rewound cherished memories of restocking new releases and classics and of manning the computer/register in the front to eager movie watchers of all ages, day and night (plus an Olympian).
It was a great job making people’s cinematic dreams come true!
There’s no place like Blockbuster, there’s no place like Hollywood Video, there’s no place like a video rental store!
88 MPH to an ’88 (or so) Thanksgiving
In eight days, families from across the United States will gather together at their dinner table (and kid’s table) to individually and collectively give thanks for the blessings in their lives. There will be joyfulness from reminiscing about past memories, delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen and, above all else, complete and utter bedlam.
95% chaos, 5% peace and tranquility: Hello Thanksgiving!
Before we funnel into the designated house of our soon to be regretful host next week, one particular suburban Philadelphia family welcomed us into their home for a quintessential Thanksgiving celebration last night. While mission control was the kitchen and the commander was Beverly, the action spread far and wide on the Goldbergs premises.
Spoiler Alert for the DVR crowd for the latest episode of, “The Goldbergs”
The sons engaged in their made-up sibling game of “Ball Ball.” Or is it “Adam Ball” now…? The scenes with Adam and Barry (with Erica looking on, lounging on the spectator couch half-interested, half-rolling her eyes) was the perfect imagery of the glory that arises from a random, yet totally logical family game with a one-of-a-kind trophy to be used as a chalice at dinner for all to see.
In the case of this sibling game that involves knee pads, pillows, two hockey masks, a catchers mask and blue and yellow hula hoops scrunched in bean bag chairs, the age of old question between the older and the not-so much younger brother anymore is continuously answered:
Who’s the man? But what happens if that “one in a million” chance actually occurs? Then “the man” would have to be spelled A-D-A-M.
For Barry, the consequences would be comically dire.
When not fighting, this is the predominant therapy for how siblings interact with each other. This is how they bond. Are the rules absurd and never-ending? Will this ultimately lead to a colossal rematch for the ages that is the thing of legends and great mythology?
Yes, yes and yes!
And then, all of a sudden like something shot right outta thin air, the crazy (and oddly consistent) relative shows up with a grand entrance in a car that perfectly symbolizes the pure imagination of an entire decade and era of movies: the DeLorean DMC-12.
“Gotta get back in time!”
Huey Lewis and the News knows what that’s about.
Murray has always viewed his brother Marvin as a screw up, a chronically burdensome responsibility and, yes, a moron. Yet, during this Thanksgiving visit in 1980-something, Marvin promised it was different. Now working a “normal 9-5 job,” his future was assuredly looking brighter and smoother.
Did you know a triangle is the same shape as a pyramid?
A few mysteriously burning faces, an acknowledgement of basic geometry and a parking brake-less DeLorean DMC-12 on a hill later, the Goldbergs’ plus-1 was as unsettled as his car’s frame. Not even Beverly’s entertainingly deceitful promises to her fellow dinner companions in pursuit of her perfect Thanksgiving with a certain emphasis on the chef could have brought the harmony on the day she wanted it most.
No, it was going to take something much more powerful to change the dynamics of this disastrous day. In fact, it would take a curve ball.
In an act of sincere generosity sparked by a difficult, though necessary introspective, Marvin gave his big brother a small token of his lifelong appreciation for taking care of him when he was younger. It was a baseball. It was a memory. Perhaps most importantly, it was unexpected. Following this surprising gesture, Murray decided to bring his younger brother back into the future plans of his family’s Thanksgiving feast that evening.
What does a scheming in-law/uncle + a crazy grandfather + two battling brothers + a completely full of it (had already eaten turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce next door) teenage daughter + a thankful husband and family to their relentlessly hard-working wife and mother = ?
It equates to virtually everyone’s family at Thanksgiving.
By the end of the special Thanksgiving episode, “The Goldbergs” had confirmed the acutely accurate and reliable holiday formula: 95% entertaining chaos and 5% peace, tranquility and love.
With a full season ordered for, “The Goldbergs,” it’s a safe bet that lots of “fanz digit.”
P.S. Adam’s right, Harrison Ford does rule!
ABC Has Dialed Up a Winner
“Two phone lines. What is this? The White House?”
Through the combination of preplanned, intentional and serendipitous circumstances and choices in life, ranging from picking a college to asking our future loved one on a date one Friday night to pausing on a page that featured a particular style of house seen in an issue of Midwestern Living, we find ourselves living where we do for a myriad of reasons. It really is fascinating to ponder at just how mysterious life can be sometimes.
That is, until you meet the neighbors.
On last night’s episode of “The Goldbergs,” Adam’s Tron bike (looked legit) lured the new neighbor Chad Kremp (aka-his new best friend) over to the side of the street that takes a more direct tone to dealing with your everyday events, like trying to talk down your moron son who is holding on for dear life while he sits stuck in a tree he voluntarily climbed.
You may be asking yourself “what the hell?”
Excuse me, “what the h-word?”
The Kremp family was proper, soft spoken and not akin to the Goldbergs style of parenting and general living practices. The dynamic of the Goldbergs and the Kremps represented the complete opposite sides of any spectrum, humorously of course. From sibling rumblings to different styles of clothes to the audible distinction between shouting and whispering, the road in between their houses might as well have been the Amazon River (Don’t go in the water…).
In the midst of a completely casual/”non forced” indoor BBQ, Beverly could not restrain herself with polite whispers after Barry and Erica were wrestling on the floor in front of their guests (and relentlessly hopeful BFF’s) because of a disclosed voice recording telling all of Erica’s crush on a certain Kremp who heard it to his surprise. In the heat of the moment, Beverly let loose “the” word.
Yes, that word.
And, in a word (literally), the BBQ was over. The families retreated to their corners…well, houses.
At this point, any form of reconciliation seemed nearly impossible. Not even Beverly’s walking/stalking in an absolutely glowing florescent track/speed walking suit could bring the Goldbergs and the Kremps back together. What could possibly bring these two polar opposites together?
When Virginia (Mrs. Kremp) was at the bakery counter in the local grocery store, who was allowing herself to be taken by the baker (the real Mr. Kremp by the way!) for an awful tasting pastry, Beverly popped in to save the day with a very public recount of the infamous “birthday cake fiasco.”
Not only did Mrs. Kremp get a fresh pastry as a result, but she also took a deep breath after this surprisingly helpful and friendly encounter with her more boisterous neighbor. But it seems like everyone on both sides of the street took a much needed deep breath.
Best friends reunited to continue filming their very own “Tron” and “Star Wars” sagas, siblings decided to take 5-minutes off from fighting to help each other out and Murray and Charles Kremp finally committed to doing something they liked together sans wives.
It was one of those rare, special family moments we’ve all shared where everything seems to click.
Despite the fact that crossing the Amazon River (or neighborhood street) can be treacherous, it’s important to remember that nothing worthwhile is easy. The good things is life take time and effort. Plus, it always helps to look at things from the other person’s perspective. In other words, it’s beneficial to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
Just ask Beverly, she walker-stalked Mrs. Kremp for two hours before she caught up to her!
“Nothing’s Gonna Stop us Now” by Jefferson Starship played at the end of the show. For those of us who grew up during some part of the ’80s, the following video was likely the first thing that popped into our heads (real and plastic)…
So, for a great time, just dial 976-
Just kidding! I meant tune into “The Goldbergs” at 9:00 p.m. on ABC Tuesday nights to travel back to the ’80s for a totally rad time!
P.S. Who else remembers the one phone line in the house? It was a simpler time…
Jimmy's Daily Planet 