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In Living Watercolor

The first Saturday of each month in Columbus, Ohio features the pedestrian-friendly event known as Gallery Hop. Occurring in the Short North, art galleries stay open late for art admirers, as well as for people who are simply curious about art (no man in a yellow hat required).

It’s a wonderful experience, having the elastic freedom to not feel wrapped into staying and slowly pacing around a gallery you find boring or uninteresting in order to appear polite to the host. If you like something, stay. If you don’t, then drink the complimentary wine quickly and move on next door.

Who knows, maybe after a few small glasses of wine, you’ll finally “get” that modern art painting?

Nonetheless, this is a wonderful night to spend out with friends or with someone you think of as more than a friend…

Unfortunately, the forecast is calling for rain tomorrow.

Fortunately, this provides an opportunity for those prepared to paint themselves as their own masterpiece.

Leonid Afremov (http://www.chictip.com/art/modern-artist-leonid-afremov)

Leonid Afremov (Chic Tip online)

On second thought, here’s to hoping it does rain…

Protecting Thy Kingdom with Hyper-Hilarity

Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of the March 18, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:

We’ve all been there.

There are moments when we surprise someone close to us because we make the assumption that it will “be good for them.” We want this person to feel better by doing a nice gesture for them. This gift can be delivered in a variety of fashions, including off-white leather, which was the case for the quintessential creature of habit Murray Goldberg.

He wears the same style of pants, shirt, socks and underwear (the latter was of some importance in this episode…). Once home, Murray proceeds to take off his shoes and khaki pants (as we all do) and make the trek to his favorite chair (“Mr. Chair”) that is reminiscent of Marty Crane’s reclining kingdom of masterpiece furniture in Frasier. The only difference is Murray’s throne consists of darker colors, but the spirit and eye-catching attention it demands are identical.

In some ways, Marty and Murray are kindred sitcom spirits…

Beverly Goldberg, however, was having none of this. The time had come for change and this change arrived as tall and enforcing as Beverly’s perfectly styled hair with help from her best friend Aqua Net.

“I need to command respect with my giant hair!”

What Beverly did not anticipate was the scheming mobility of her usually statuesque husband. The journey of revenge to surprise each other with preemptive decisions took predictable and unpredictable turns, including a Benihana-quality fish display and feeding frat guys carrots and celery sticks.

They are the Goldbergs after all.

While this humorous game of hide-and-seek between their parents was occurring, Adam and Barry engaged in a similar mind game. Tired of scratching spit balls off his glasses and books, along with having his face plastered against the window of his school bus, Adam decided to hire a bodyguard to combat a bully. Unfortunately for him, Kevin Costner wasn’t available and he had to settle for his hot tempered, Hulk-like older brother Barry.

Hey, you know what it’s like to wait 10 weeks for a football phone that hasn’t come, which was promised to arrive in 8 weeks. You get angry!

Anyways, Adam’s plan appeared to be working as his big bad brother Barry commanded every one’s attention and fear on the school bus, thereby allowing Adam to ride to and from school without fear, as well as being spit ball free. This was true, until his plan backfired more quickly than he ever could have imagined. One thing you have to understand is that if you release the Hulk, there’s no telling what will happen.

Ironically, Adam neutralized one bully, but created an even bigger one. Barry had to be stopped. But how?

Quite literally, the Hulk’s true colors needed to be revealed by way of Hypercolor.

Continuing their game of raiding each others’ treasured possessions, the Goldberg household lost a stove, a television, Aqua Net (which led to Beverly’s bangs being accidentally burned off by daughter Erica) and a drawer full of tightie whities replaced by boxer shorts (which became a “TMI” crisis of epic proportions). However, thanks to Murray, they gained a microwave. Pops had the perfect reaction to his first bag of microwaved popcorn, which is something I can personally relate to with the radioactive energy of a thousand suns.

“A cure for polio, a man on the Moon, and now this!”

Beverly finally (though unassumingly) revealed her true motives for getting rid of and replacing Murray’s old, worn chair: she wanted it gone for her, not because it was would help Murray. After Murray explained his perspective to this realization, which she could relate to for the important things she cherishes within her personal kingdom, Beverly knew what she had to do.  

Frustratingly, it involved a road from Goodwill to a frat house of an Animal House-likeness.

After refusing claims to lift her top in a frat house as part of a negotiation for Murray’s old chair, Beverly cleverly (yup, that just happened!) convinced the frat guy that he was, in fact, the only boob in the room. A clean frat house and a tasty vegetable medley turned out to be the perfect juxtaposed recipe for returning “Mr. Chair” to its rightful suburban kingdom.

Rising up to a bully can be treacherous, but that’s exactly what Adam, his former bully (wonderful irony) and the entire school bus did. The Hulk Barry was thrown from the bus with the help of a hundred hands, which was hilariously visible on his blue Hypercolor shirt. The two day reign of terror was over, but the back story required another scene.

Interestingly and bravely, Barry disclosed to his younger brother that, at school, some of his classmates tease and bully him. He confessed that it felt nice to have control of a situation, like that on Adam’s school bus. Then, as Barry gave Adam his binder of Garbage Pail Kids back, he assured Adam that he will always protect him for free because he’s his brother.

This moment, like the one between Beverly and Murray when “Mr. Chair” was reintroduced in the family room, underscores the 1986 classic, “The Glory of Love.”

The love of your family: Trust me, it’s good for you.

The Goldbergs are an Amazesome Family

Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of the episode of “The Goldbergs” from March 11, 2014.

Playing a sport you don’t enjoy (& are not good at) is a tough gig, even without the added pressure of a parent who is obsessed with said sport. In the case of Adam Goldberg, hockey was not just slippery. But, for him, it also came with a slope of disaster. His dad Murray was an avid hockey fan, in which he had a strong bond with his surprisingly hockey-athletic son Barry.

Yes, turns out Barry is a maestro at something. But rest assured, the over confident and ridiculous advice is the exact same. The Universe is still aligned the way it should be with plenty of laughs.

In a moment of sure glory for Adam during a big game, he found the puck at his stick with the final seconds ticking away on the scoreboard in a 1-1 tie near the goal. Realizing this was “his shot” to be a great hockey player and to impress his dad in the stands, Adam swung as hard as he could and scored the game winning goal…for the other team.

Sadly (but humorously), Adam realized this devastating news after a post goal dance that mimicked that of his older brother.

It was “Bad News Bears,” ’80s style.

Something had to be done to repair Adam’s confidence. Luckily for him, Barry is always popping out from around the corner to offer typical big brother solace with equal parts absurdity and folly.

Speaking of absurdity and folly, Erica was preparing for the SATs and Beverly was keen on helping her daughter in fulfilling her lifelong dream. And by “her,” this is of course was in reference to Beverly. Erica had scored well enough on a practice exam to get into Penn, but she discovered just 20 or so points higher translated to likely acceptance to Stanford. Unfortunately for Beverly, this was not the Philadelphia branch. It was, in fact, across the country in California. 20,000 miles, according to Beverly.

Advanced tutoring sessions were about to take place by Beverly for Erica, but in ways that were really unbelievable…literally.

In a genuine effort to prove to his dad that he could play hockey, Adam sought the guidance of Barry (first mistake, but we’ll continue on). Fittingly, Barry told young Adam to forget about “playing hockey” and to instead dedicate his time and effort to becoming an enforcer: one who protects the star players with unbound aggression and dirty tricks.

However, not even Run-D.M.C. would have approved of Barry’s suggested ‘tricky tricks.’

This led to a fascinating discourse between brothers on the point that since Barry was teaching Adam the ancient art of a goon, that that meant Adam was training to become a goonie

It actually makes perfect sense. Think about it…

After an excessive lesson on throwing gloves on the ground, Adam was ready for his debut. And boy, did he ever score with his new-found role.

As Erica’s practice scores continued to rise, Beverly got desperate. This included unapologetic proclamations of visiting her every weekend regardless of her daughter’s collegiate destination. Palo Alto or even the Moon would never keep Beverly Goldberg away. So, to keep Erica’s scores strictly in the “Penn zone,” Beverly literally made up vocabulary words for Erica to memorize.

It was a flimjammed situation.

Erica quickly caught on to her mom’s trick. Throughout the episode, they had frank discussions of how the love between a mother-daughter works. They engaged in multiple exchanges with lots of passionate/angry/loving energy.

“You’d better come over here and hug your momma before I punch you in the face!”

“I hate that you love me so much!”

Returning back to Adam, Barry may have forgotten to inform his younger brother (now a goonie…) that an enforcer does not start something with an opposing player at the first face off to start the game. As punishment for this violation of “goon protocol,” Adam’s target dragged him across the ice and literally scored a goal with Adam himself.

Hockey was not going to work. Instead, with the (again) surprisingly helpful wisdom of Barry, Murray realized he needed to reach Adam on his son’s level: space and home movies. After a failed first take, Murray discovered a giant container of ketchup and a package of white t-shirts would connect him with his son in ways he never would have imagined possible.

This led to one of those quintessential Hallmark card father-son moments: a home movie featuring an alien creature piercing the chest of a father lying on the kitchen table with lots of blood and science fiction chaos.

With Big Country’s classic, “In a Big Country” playing in the background, Beverly and Murray learned that their capacity to support their children’s opposing fascinations could stretch as far as the United States from coast to coast…all 20,000 miles of it.

One thing that doesn’t need to be made up is the fact that The Goldbergs is amazingly awesome…or, as Beverly would say, amazesome.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 14th celebrates Saint Valentine. In 2014, this holiday is usually celebrated in the form of delicious chocolates (maybe York Peppermint Patties?), red roses, a romantic, candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant and maybe a surprise or two depending on the gentleman or the woman. This is the perfect day to do something completely unexpected, amazing and heartwarming that will solidify just how much you care for the most important person in your life, married or dating.

What to do? What to do?

One of the best suggestions Jimmy’s Daily Planet can give to all the lovers out there is to do something subtle and nonchalant…after all, making a big, spectacular scene would totally be the wrong way to go and would be the complete opposite of something unforgettably awesome, right?

http://youtu.be/S7N6kB11GpE

Happy Valentine’s Day!