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The Goldbergs Melt with Us
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content featured in the October 29, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
“Home is where the heart is”
This Hallmark-worthy sentiment seems to be the antithesis of how the Goldbergs feel about their home. Instead, it’s more like, “home is where each person has their individual space, preferences and buffer zone.” This includes Adam’s future home with his wife and four snuggle-loving boys as revealed by America’s favorite Smother Beverly. And yet, Adam is already not happy about having to move his action figures from the garage to the basement to make room for the woman ‘who made him, with her own body.’
This conversation all started with a tray of flammable shots mistakenly lit by retired party-animal Pops during his rockin’ Halloween soirée.
Trick or treat indeed…
It’s become a familiar and trying debate for all families who must confront where their retired parents and/or grandparents will reside in their later years. Some say they should move-in with their children and grandchildren (Beverly with the usual passion of a thousand suns), while others believe in moving them into a retirement community (Murray, Erica, Adam, Barry…and Pops?). This sparks an electrically-charged debate centered on personal preferences (ie – the thermostat), routines sans a hanging tie and imaginary scenarios involving future protocol for treating the current heads of the Goldberg household.
Well, Beverly, to be specific.
This conundrum can be as intense as mixing Coke with Pop Rocks. While it surprisingly doesn’t bring about instant death (major relief!), it can cause severe indigestion when combined with way, way too much Halloween candy, followed by a rap declaring your love for your high school crush. Just remember to spell her name crrecotly. Of course, Barry bravely stepped-up for this 1980-something challenge for the ages. With a backup beat from the JTP, it was nothing short of glorious…in a disaster kind of way.
While the issues of determining the validity of a retirement home for your grandfather or helping a sibling to spend time with a friend of your they had a crush on have yet to apply to me, instances of supporting family have countless times. We do it because we love our family, despite how crazy, outlandish and utterly ridiculous they are. It’s being there to listen, to drive over late at night to read my nephew a bedtime story or indulging in something you had absolutely no interest in, like going to a George Carlin concert with your excited younger brother. There may have been some Bushido Code, an ancient samurai tradition, involved with that concert. But the latter is a critical skill to have and to polish from time-to-time because it can reveal important truths, like when Pops told his daughter Beverly that he preferred to live in a retirement community as opposed to her house…even with the bachelor pad-constructed attic that Beverly put together with some light dusting and window additions. Or when Erica caves and convinces her best friend Lainey to spend some time with her idiotic brother Barry in the hospital. Remember the Coke and Pop Rocks + Halloween candy + a love rap in the middle of school? Yup, to many people’s surprise, that sequence of events was not the best idea. But that’s partly what life is all about, seeing how many awesome things (by our own definitions, of course) we can do and pushing our limits to the max.
Like the good people at Nike always say, “just do it.” And like the Goldbergs always say, “family takes care of family.”
Also, a safety tip from Beverly Goldberg for all those anxious trick-or-treaters tonight and when they should eat their candy: “Not until we take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed!”
Family also makes us crazy.
The Goldbergs are Really Co (Damn Printer)
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 22, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
Toasters flying in the air, pretending to hack the school’s computer system and covertly learning about important historical events is how high school kids in suburban Philadelphia rocked it in the ’80s, “JTP” style. Forget mansions, yachts and caviar, the true high rollers rode deep with Pepsi and sandwiches with potato chips in them. Plus, someone would randomly run around naked, as one does. The Jenkintown Posse (JTP) was “the” exclusive club to be in as seen by youngest brother Adam. In a truly rare moment, Adam saw his older brother Barry in a positive, cool light. How could he break this firewall between an “Oregon Trail”-playing, dying of dysentery kid to “one of the guys?”
One word/cult movie title: WarGames.
Speaking of war games, Beverly’s ecstatic excitement for a technology that printed her children on a bright white shirt could only be deflated by the sight of her daughter Erica and her friends with her newest suburban enemy: “the cool mom.” Wearing a sweater that only covers one shoulder is pretty bae. Anyways, it’s clearly foolish for Beverly to be concerned about not being viewed as “the cool mom” when she publicly (and proudly) wears a t-shirt with her three kids’ faces on it. It’s not like she’d ever say anything embarrassing to the random t-shirt vendor in the middle of the mall with a big smile on her face, right?
“I made these people, I made them with my body.”
Our efforts to be liked (ie – cool) is an aspect about life we all can relate to, especially when there’s a tether connected to our parents and/or older siblings. In the case of The Goldbergs, they had to act out in hilarious ways in order to fit into that exclusive club known as being cool. Whether this meant a mom dressing up and dancing like Madonna with a boom box (it’s a machine used to play music) in front of her daughter and her friends or typing gibberish on a computer screen (ie – askldjidxa!%*) that supposedly translated into grades being changed for the JTP (“JTP!”) or getting drunk with your hip dad Pops so your daughter would have to take care of you after stumbling in after curfew or even printing a fake hall pass to assist in stealing the rival school’s mascot (a real falcon) that would get his older brother back in tight with his posse, a big part of being cool is redefining the rules of the game. It’s probably safe to say we’ve all done stuff like this with our families in some ways. As the Goldbergs continue to prove, just being there for one another is what families are all about.
And that’s pretty cool.
See, no reason to be embarrassed by one’s parents.
Of course, it was just a bit shocking and unnerving to hear my dad (several years ago) tell a random airport custom’s agent who was asking about his three children’s passports that while we all had different birth places, we were all conceived in the same place.
True story.
In some form or another, every parent wears a bright white t-shirt with their children’s face(s) on it that’s primed for plenty of opportunities for public humiliation. And in those situations, it can make dying of dysentery on the “Oregon Trail” not seem so bad.
I just might bet a Bev Buck on that.
You Need to Sit Down For This
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 8, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:
“You can have a second wedding?!”
Expressing love is a beautiful thing. This is especially true with regal pomp and circumstance, as best demonstrated by the British Royal Family in 1981 (and 2011). One of the mesmerized Americans across the pond was none other than Beverly Goldberg, admiring the exquisite attention paid to the blushing bride on her most special day in colorful clothes and a giant hat fit for a 1980-something American princess. And by Diana’s side was Charles, her strapping, romantic prince.
Then, there was Murray Goldberg, who literally sat down on a chair during his nuptials. Yes, that happened and it was recorded for all to see with perplexed wonder. But Murray is a simple man who is not a fan of wearing pants, or so he’d have you believe…
Inspired by the Royal Wedding, Beverly took her close friend’s advice and coaxed/strong-armed Murray into renewing their vows. This is when things got very interesting around the Goldberg household, specifically around the television set.
Meanwhile, Adam and his best bro Barry were busy rocking to classic ’80s hair band tunes in full ’80s hair band clothes in their garage (as it’s intended to be!). Despite the fact the one song they knew (by Barry standards) was by Twisted Sister, the top choices for their band’s name seemed to revolve around one word or name. Can you guess what it was? Here’s a hint: it rhymes with “marry” (had to). One of the suggestions was literally, “Little House on the Barry.” Actually, that is incredible! Still, it seems quite logical that their band name would have been Twisted Brothers, but maybe that was too obvious for a killer band name? It was a spectacularly awesome train wreck that, despite it’s lack of musical talent, was a show worthy of an early morning gig in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
Then, chaos slowly started to brew: Girls in a band (sister Erica and friend Lainey), a husband reciting a sitcom theme song as his wedding vows (Family Ties) and then having his wife hilariously confront her husband by claiming the theme song from The Facts of Life as her !#^%*! wedding vows.
After Barry failed again to sweep his crush Lainey off her feet, Murray (feeling guilty about his effort on his vows) consoled his oldest son by showing him the video of his nuptials…sitting down in a chair. Beverly thought it was because of a low blood sugar-type issue, but as Murray revealed to Barry, he was sitting because he was so overwhelmed by his blushing bride’s beauty and how she was completely out of his league. This was how I felt at the end of an amazing first date in the year 2000-something. We sat on a bench late at night, amusingly people watched, spoke for a little bit and then kissed under a romantic, glowing street light. The setting was perfect and so was she. Like Murray, sometimes us guys need the support of a seat to gain the strength to have an unforgettable moment with a girl who is out of our league.
Knowing deep down what he needed and wanted to do for his gorgeous wife, Murray prepared a sweet, formal ceremony at 4:00 a.m. (when Beverly set her alarm to watch the Royal Wedding) and had Pops lead her down into the backyard decorated with suburban Philadelphia style-pomp and circumstance and the family band playing “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles. He then proceeded to say his vows, from his heart, sans the help of a popular ’80s sitcom.
It was moment that, quite honestly, was out of the Royal Wedding’s league.
Here’s to every Twisted Family out there, sha-la-la-la-la!
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Mixing ID’s
Spoiler Alert: This post contains details from the season 2 premiere of The Goldbergs:
“Pick a name”
“James Bond”
“Taken”
“Barry Bonds”
“Also taken”
“Barry Goldberg”
“That’s your name!”
“Erica Goldberg”
“That is my name!”
Now that television’s “summer break” is officially over, families like The Goldbergs have re-entered our lives with their perfectly placed ’80s references (a Lost Boys t-shirt anyone?), along with their all too familiar bickering between siblings and between siblings and parents. Of course, nothing seems to pull a family closer together than the dedicated art of a mixture tape.
(FYI: Mixture Tape = Mix Tape)
Let the awkward hilarity rejoice and begin anew in the suburbs of Philadelphia in 1980-something!
When young Adam had his first crush, feelings of love, excitement and nervousness seemed to paralyze him from communicating anything to Dana Caldwell beyond asking her if she wanted to poke a snake with a stick after school. Enter the glorious relationship gift called the “mix tape.” It was a certified gold gesture from the days of analog technology and the card game Uno. This way, Adam could let famous musicians express his true feelings for Dana instead of him.
Genius.
The only problem was that Adam left his romantic prize laying out for the one and only sMother (aka-his mom Beverly) to find it who obviously assumed it was meant for her. This led to the most delicious pancakes ever, Boo-Berry cereal and the public declaration that he was her favorite child…in front of her other two children.
Nothing could go wrong, right?
Meanwhile, Erica was teaching Barry how to obtain the coveted Fake ID. Naturally, with Barry involved, it led to one of the most amusing failed experiences of all-time. Plus, add in David Spade as the willing photo hut employee (for a double sitcom reunion, mind you) and you knew the laughs were coming. Please see the opening dialogue for a glimpse into this comedic exchange.
As Beverly convinced herself the mix tape was a loving tribute to her from her snuggle monster, this threw Adam’s universe into a tailspin. This relationship volcano erupted when Beverly gave Adam and his appreciative girlfriend Dana a ride home from a laser show. Beverly then proceeded to play “her” mix tape in the car and sing the title track, Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration.”
Yes, this happened. And then questions were asked from every direction.
Whose mix tape was it? Did Adam make the same mix tape for his girlfriend and his mom? Who was Adam’s true inspiration?
Some of you may even be asking, “what’s a mix tape?”
Bottom line: This created a disastrous conundrum for Adam. He had to fix his delicate relations with his girlfriend and his sMother. Like so many of the plot lines in these episodes, the season 2 premiere reminded me of a situation in my life. While there’s no single event that perfectly reflects what occurred in this episode, listening to my mom talk about her life and her experiences over the years has always made me really proud of what she’s accomplished and of who she is. Similar to Adam and Beverly, these feelings are usually expressed in actions rather than words, like when Beverly helped her snuggle monster win his girlfriend back with a spectacularly public laser redemption show starring Adam and Dana (and Beverly…). The point is that family will inevitably embarrass us at the most awkward times to be embarrassed, but they’ll also be there to bail us out when we need it the most.
Ask Barry, as he stood in front of the popular seniors with two bags of sandwiches gyro’s (sounds like) when his fully-clothed dad Murray came to the rescue whilst simultaneously busting his moron son for attempting to buy beer with a Fake ID.
Just Barry being Barry. Well, as Carlos Del Monaco actually.
Or ask me. After a girl I’d been dating for more than 2 months ended things with the devastating silent treatment, my mom responded by saying, “I think I’m going to have to go Beverly Goldberg on her ass.”
Mom, you’re an inspiration to me in so many ways!
Welcome back for your second season Goldbergs:
(Cinema Blend online)
Here’s to family!
Jimmy's Daily Planet 