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Back to the Family
Spoiler Alert: Content from this blog is from the December 3, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
“We have as dish named after that one: Big Tasty Pork”
When a food dish at a restaurant is named after you, odds are pretty high that you’ll be visiting that establishment with some frequency…as in everyday. This was the dilemma facing Beverly, with her enemy clearly identified as “Dave Kim’s mom.” After discovering the new Chinese restaurant in town (run by Dave Kim’s mom), the Goldbergs were hooked. Hot plates were being brought out left and right and the family couldn’t get enough of this great new food. But, as we all know, Beverly needs to be the source of every moment of her family’s happiness.
So, this meant war…and lots and lots of cheese.
Aside from eating the insanely delicious sweet and sour chicken, Adam was facing an embarrassment of Wham! proportions. All of us guys like rock ‘n roll, but we also enjoy that tantalizingly catchy song. George Michael’s song, “Faith” is one that comes to mind. Fortunately for Adam, it did in the form of a videotaped, choreographed dance number while wearing clothes straight out of George Michael’s closet.
Adam was clearly feeling good and flawless.
But when Beverly’s little snuggle monster got too overzealous with his groovy moves, his right arm broke like the book shelves he crashed into. This humiliating musical and dancing expression led to a chain of events that included lying to his best friend Emmy, lying to his science class and science teacher all the while learning how to lie from his older sister Erica. And what was the lie, you ask? Well, the star of his lie was certainly not going to be centered on the former lead singer of Wham! No.; Instead, one of the greatest sequels in movie history would provide the source for his most epic lie: he told everyone that he rode a hoverboard like the one from Back to the Future: Part II.
After promising a video recording of him riding a hoverboard (which he impressively built himself) that was gold except for the rope showing, Adam had no choice but to do the right thing…He faked a letter forbidding the proof he rode a hoverboard. But, as well all do, we have our moral limits to our cover-ups. While Dave Kim enjoyed shrimp parm and cheesy watermelon at the Goldberg residence as part of Beverly’s plan to get back at Dave Kim’s mom for leading her family to say they enjoyed her cooking more than Beverly’s, Adam prepared a devastating presentation to his science class and teacher: the truth. Demonstrating the bravery to humiliate himself in front of everybody with his George Michael moves, as well as his touching plea to Emmy about forgiveness and being part of his family, the dynamic duo reunited in their spot: the tree house.
Speaking of pleas, perhaps the best of the episode was Beverly’s to her family. She sincerely explained how dinner time was her time to spend with her family and just how valuable it was to her day. Clearly, cooking Chinese food completely alluded her (ketchup as a base?). But, sensing her genuine nature, the Goldbergs returned to their dinner table as a family.
It was a little cheesy, but good cheesy.
This episode reminds me of a movie marathon of sorts I recently had with my nephew just a couple weeks ago and we actually watched The Back to the Future trilogy, which included those unforgettable scenes with the hoverboards. And watching those moments, while also watching my nephew watch them for the first time with wide-eyed wonderment, was like traveling back in time myself to when I first saw that movie magic unfold before my eyes. It was the same excitement that Adam showed and this storyline in the show underscored not only the magnificent and lasting impression a movie can have, but also the pure joy of dreaming of and for the presently impossible.
Returning back to The Goldbergs, Adam’s science teacher relentlessly proclaimed his belief in science and fact: hoverboards, in the 1980s, is impossible. Adam, on the other hand, relentlessly envisioned a world in which hoverboards are possible. This was back in 1980-something (had to be 1989).
How fitting it was that the eternal dreamer Adam sang and danced to George Michael’s popular song “Faith” because people will have the opportunity to ride the very first hoverboard in Silicon Valley early next year.
Having faith in family, friends and the existence of Marty’s hoverboard: That’s a recipe for success that worked back in the 1980s and still does in 2000-something.
The Game of Life
Spoiler Alert: The following contains content from the November 12, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
As determined as a ‘hungry, hungry hippo’ and as energetic as a teenage girl hanging-out with her friends talking, Barry Goldberg’s mission towards gaming superiority still may be stuck in the impossible.
Trivial Pursuit is the game and sister Erica his brainy nemesis. Honestly, knowing the author of “The Diary of Anne Frank” is tricky. Anyone could have missed that one…and by anyone, I mean only one: Barry Goldberg. Without the help of the JTP, he was left stranded on an island in the form of a kitchen table chair with nothing but his Big Tasty raps, ka-ra-tay moves and his confused concept of what sitting down means. Nostalgic board game nirvana aside, Barry’s only hope to defeat Erica for title of the smartest person in the world/between the two of them would require a measured approach to studying and preparation.
“I will do everything in my power to learn knowledge!”
While this intellectual battle between siblings brewed at the Goldergs’ kitchen table (under the careful supervision of bathroom break prone Pops), youngest child Adam was facing a ball of a time in gym class…literally. Red, rubber balls to be precise. The most gladiator-like gym class activity, dodge ball, is the pinnacle of survival for any young boy and girl.
True story.
After hearing about such a “barbaric” game, Beverly went into Beverly-mode: yes, Beverly Goldberg got dodge ball cancelled. But after a special isolation exercise by Mr. Mellor focused on Adam, the youngest Goldberg was struck square in the face with one of these balls of life. It left a red mark, which matched the fury of mama Beverly. We all know what happened next, following a slow-motion, fear-driven stroll through the halls of William Penn Academy. Beverly Goldberg not only cancelled dodge ball, but she also got Mr. Mellor fired.
It just got real…entertaining.
After Murray relieved Mr. Mellor from his inaccurate curb address number painting gig (“where’s the 3?”) and enlisting him to help him at his work, the uber-competitive gym teacher proved too intense for his laid-back job in the furniture store (self-high five). Plus, there were just too many bananas…way too many bananas in one drink.
Had Beverly gone too far?
Of course she did, that’s not even a serious question. But it was in the funniest way possible. Still, a gym teacher belongs in a gym, torturing young children with life lessons and sports cliches, rope climbs and world-class dodging. And sometimes that gym teacher who still doesn’t know your last name is pushing you so hard because he wants to instill some relentless toughness in you, preparing you to dodge life’s many unpredictable challenges that not even the all-powerful Beverly can deflect.
And after Erica beat Barry at his own game (literally, he made a game called, “Barrynopoly”), Barry was not only deflated about his surprising defeat, but he candidly disclosed his intellectual limitations to his older sister Erica.
It just got real…for real.
Contests and debates between siblings reveal a special bond, one that extends beyond normal competitive jousting. There’s an uncensored ruthlessness, all in good fun, with added realizations of what’s really at stake. Just don’t say the words, “Chinese checkers” around a particular sister of mine…But just as Erica cheated to ensure Barry got his much-needed victory at Trivial Pursuit (questions from the “junior edition” were discreetly used), so do all of us with siblings to one extent or another. This may include an older sister finally giving in and seeing and laughing at a movie in the theater she had previously refused to admit she enjoyed, just to spend some quality time with her younger brother and validate his choice in comedy. Or this may include going easy on a younger brother during a complex card game, to give him a much-needed win after a stressful week (then my oldest sister crushed me 3 times in a row, but still).
Even a gaming warrior needs to show some heart every once in a while. A true warrior is not only physically and intellectually formidable, but this person is also fully aware of his or her surroundings:
Like a 1980s music video, a warrior also knows how to take it over-the-top for the win!
You Need to Sit Down For This
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 8, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:
“You can have a second wedding?!”
Expressing love is a beautiful thing. This is especially true with regal pomp and circumstance, as best demonstrated by the British Royal Family in 1981 (and 2011). One of the mesmerized Americans across the pond was none other than Beverly Goldberg, admiring the exquisite attention paid to the blushing bride on her most special day in colorful clothes and a giant hat fit for a 1980-something American princess. And by Diana’s side was Charles, her strapping, romantic prince.
Then, there was Murray Goldberg, who literally sat down on a chair during his nuptials. Yes, that happened and it was recorded for all to see with perplexed wonder. But Murray is a simple man who is not a fan of wearing pants, or so he’d have you believe…
Inspired by the Royal Wedding, Beverly took her close friend’s advice and coaxed/strong-armed Murray into renewing their vows. This is when things got very interesting around the Goldberg household, specifically around the television set.
Meanwhile, Adam and his best bro Barry were busy rocking to classic ’80s hair band tunes in full ’80s hair band clothes in their garage (as it’s intended to be!). Despite the fact the one song they knew (by Barry standards) was by Twisted Sister, the top choices for their band’s name seemed to revolve around one word or name. Can you guess what it was? Here’s a hint: it rhymes with “marry” (had to). One of the suggestions was literally, “Little House on the Barry.” Actually, that is incredible! Still, it seems quite logical that their band name would have been Twisted Brothers, but maybe that was too obvious for a killer band name? It was a spectacularly awesome train wreck that, despite it’s lack of musical talent, was a show worthy of an early morning gig in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
Then, chaos slowly started to brew: Girls in a band (sister Erica and friend Lainey), a husband reciting a sitcom theme song as his wedding vows (Family Ties) and then having his wife hilariously confront her husband by claiming the theme song from The Facts of Life as her !#^%*! wedding vows.
After Barry failed again to sweep his crush Lainey off her feet, Murray (feeling guilty about his effort on his vows) consoled his oldest son by showing him the video of his nuptials…sitting down in a chair. Beverly thought it was because of a low blood sugar-type issue, but as Murray revealed to Barry, he was sitting because he was so overwhelmed by his blushing bride’s beauty and how she was completely out of his league. This was how I felt at the end of an amazing first date in the year 2000-something. We sat on a bench late at night, amusingly people watched, spoke for a little bit and then kissed under a romantic, glowing street light. The setting was perfect and so was she. Like Murray, sometimes us guys need the support of a seat to gain the strength to have an unforgettable moment with a girl who is out of our league.
Knowing deep down what he needed and wanted to do for his gorgeous wife, Murray prepared a sweet, formal ceremony at 4:00 a.m. (when Beverly set her alarm to watch the Royal Wedding) and had Pops lead her down into the backyard decorated with suburban Philadelphia style-pomp and circumstance and the family band playing “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles. He then proceeded to say his vows, from his heart, sans the help of a popular ’80s sitcom.
It was moment that, quite honestly, was out of the Royal Wedding’s league.
Here’s to every Twisted Family out there, sha-la-la-la-la!
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Starlight’s Goldberg Express
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 1, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs:
“Jesus Christ Superstar” is a famous play with the most divine leading man. As a matter of fact, what has every person who has played the part of Jesus said immediately after hearing the good news (likely on a Friday)?
“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me!”
Anyways, Beverly’s most delicious snuggle monster Adam gave a spirited audition to play Jesus in the school play, but, sadly, it wasn’t enough. Instead, the part went to Data Dave Kim. Consequently, when Adam and girlfriend Dana Caldwell checked “the board” for the assigned parts, Adam’s finger devastatingly had to scroll onto the dreaded second page/second string of performers to discover his new role (literally).
“Sometimes, you just gotta be Todd the Apostle.”
Too distraught to properly congratulate Dana on getting assigned to play Mary, Adam went biblical to seek guidance from the only person who could help him in this tragic situation: His Smother. This led to a contentious meeting with the principal (who owed Beverly for introducing he and his wife years earlier…) and the casting director/director of “Jesus Christ Superstar.” In true Goldberg fashion, Beverly utilized some verbal jiu-jitsu to allow a second, rival play to open.
And would this be a second showing of “Jesus Christ Superstar” with a new cast? Well, let’s put it another way: what would make that play even better? Try adding skates and a killer disco soundtrack…
Yes, Adam was the new lead in a school production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Starlight Express!”
For anyone who has seen “Starlight Express,” all the characters sing, act and roller skate in perfect harmony. Yes, it’s just mildly ambitious for kids in middle school to master such skills in about a week or so. Enter the laughs!
Now, this part of the plot was personally satisfying because when I was around Adam’s age, I actually saw “Starlight Express” in Las Vegas with my family! The music, the flashing lights, the roller skating and the story was unforgettably fantastic. It was one of the coolest things I had ever seen and heard in my life. During the episode, Beverly bribes her daughter Erica to play the female lead and “thunder mama” herself served as the skating choreographer. While the rehearsing for “Starlight Express” was a disaster, the comedy was gold (as you’d expect). Unfortunately, Adam got too involved and too intense and a competitive streak developed with the rival play co-starring his girlfriend Dana. Eventually, both Adam and his mom came to their senses, conceded to the reality of “the board” and her precious angel returned to his supporting role as a made up apostle to Jesus.
As you do.
While the secondary storyline of this episode featured Barry and Murray leaving hockey games early to beat traffic, the storyline with “Starlight Express” between a loving mother and her baby boy rang especially true for this writer. It reminded me how a mom and her young son can genuinely relate and bond over a disco musical with roller skating while that boy is at that awkward age of not wanting to hang out with his parents. Thankfully, like Beverly, my mom was (and is still) willing to be goofy and silly with her son to spend time beyond just helping with homework and going clothes shopping.
I’d like to say more, but I don’t think I could do it as well as others:
The Goldbergs continue to show “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” with family.
Jimmy's Daily Planet 