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The Goldbergs ‘R’ Good Enough
Spoiler Alert: This is a Recap of “The Goldbergs” from March 4, 2014
Using our imagination to create something out of nothing is a skill and, in some cases, a magically inspiring art form. This random, cognitive creativity can be accelerated to levels unbound when influenced by a mythical story, like say the 1985 cult classic The Goonies.
“I’m just about to watch the good part. Which is all of it.”
Unfortunately for Adam, his love for The Goonies was discovered and exposed by Barry and Erica, his older brother and sister. This led to an adventure of epic proportions that took Adam and his cast of Goonie-dressed friends (plus Barry and Erica) directly across the street by way of riding their movie-inspired bikes to, according to the “treasure map,” look into opening of the neighbors tree, which revealed…
That Adam had to (once again) endure the tortuous pranks by his older siblings. His friends were sympathetic, but his journey was destroyed by a sibling prank. Even his friend designated Chunk (with the help of a pillow) was complaining about having to eat a chocolate bar instead of a granola bar.
For fans of the movie, the latter was the final bullet hole in the Jeep Cherokee.
The thrill of discovering a lost treasure on a giant pirate ship hidden deep below his suburban street was gone. Mikey Adam had to face the reality that his quest for finding buried treasure had come to an end.
Or so he thought…
While famous scenes and characters from The Goonies were perfectly recreated with an unforgettable soundtrack, Beverly and Murray were insisting that Pops get his finances in order. The days of 3 massages/week and buying pancakes for everybody in the local diner were over (who likes Bloody Mary’s?). Beverly was searching for and desperate to find jewelry that Pops had insisted he had given to her years ago. However, both Pops and Beverly knew he never did, but they entertainingly danced around that reality for a little while when Beverly decided to clean the entire house to prove her point.
While some may describe this effort as a waste of time, how else would Beverly have found a small collection of household necessities like throwing stars, delicious snacks hidden in secret places and a machete?
Okay, after reading what she found, I know what you’re thinking…What kinds of snacks did she find? The answer: the best kinds!
During this third-degree investigation into the affluent life of Pops (where a half-birthday in a couple months equaled $20), he was panicking to remember where he put the jewelry meant for Beverly. Enter Adam. Despite a failed first attempt for precious gold and silver coins, he, (like the Goonies) was relentless in his quest for treasure. Adam took the case and enlisted his Goonies crew once more.
Feeling bad for teasing their younger brother (and the fact he said they were “dead to him” in that fun, sibling kind of way), Barry and Erica got back in character to find Pops’ missing bag of jewelry. Returning back to their attic of secrets, a ripped piece of sheet music + a forgotten framed picture = “X/the spot.”
Riding their bikes to Cyndi Lauper’s classic, “The Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough,” the Goldbergs and friends ventured down to Pops’ old/Murray’s currently-owned furniture store. They needed to find an old piano in storage. With Barry’s help to life a heavy box (still easier than a boulder), Adam crawled under to find the piano and opened it up to find…
The treasure/bag of jewelry!
Even without a ghost pirate ship passing by in the distance, it was still an unequivocal success.
Adam got his Goonies adventure, Beverly got her promised bag of jewelry and Barry and Erica started to realize just how much fun it was to escape reality for a day with their movie-obsessed little brother.
For Adam (and Pops), it all worked out.
And things especially “worked out” for Barry and his private aerobic instructor: his mom Beverly.
Big Tasty got fit with a parade of awesome mother-son bonding.
“Hey, you guys,” these fun, goofy moments and random adventures are the ones we all treasure forever.
“Goonies/Goldbergs/Your Last Name Never Say Die!”
When Trust Met the Unknown
“But I trust you.”
“No you don’t.”
“I don’t.”
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of the February 4, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
Trust.
It’s a tricky concept. Everybody says they want to trust someone and yet there is this natural instinct to abandon all of that supposed faith and replace it with relentless suspicion that takes oneself down to the figurative (and literal) level of the second floor corner next to an air vent that’s adjacent to your daughter’s room.
This specific condition is known as “Seal Team Beverly.”
The never-ending battle between a mother and her teenage daughter can shake and interrupt everything and everyone around them (like a classic ’80s television talent show featuring a one-legged model!) with their verbal spats that look and feel equivalent to volcanic eruptions. There are constant accusations and invasions of privacy, which Beverly cannot believe as she’s moved on from reading her daughter’s fake, planted diary to the real one she found hidden under the mattress.
Erica had faith her mom would find it…
The only relationship dynamic more entertaining than Beverly v. Erica was Adam + Emmy. Best friends since before they could even remember, these two neighborhood siblings were joined together by a shared love of movies, adolescent hijinks, worms and Big Tasty’s fresh beats (he’s always movin’ and groovin’ like a rad Ferris wheel ya’ll). But what Big Tasty Barry had in store for his much more innocent younger brother would send awkward shock waves into one of Adam’s most precious possessions: his friendship with Emmy.
Barry explained how it was only a matter of time before Adam and Emmy would finally kiss. And if there was one person who was uniquely qualified to give his younger brother advice on girls…it was not Barry. Why so harsh on the older brother?
Five words: Beaded curtains and whale sounds.
This harshness is underscored with great humor and admiration for a young man trying to figure the world out, as we all do. We’ve all been Barry at some point in our lives.
Anyways, Adam took Pops’ advice and invited Emmy over to watch When Harry Met Sally to see if they were more than friends. Unfortunately, Pops never finished the movie, which left Adam and Emmy not wanting what the movie had (ie-kissing or romance). This forced Adam to want to leave his own house. Within seconds, Emmy left his house in a sprint. Their relationship had changed as fast as Indiana Jones running away from a giant boulder in an ancient cave.
What was the only thing that could save Adam and Emmy? Ironically (and perfectly), a grand romantic gesture…
Between Erica fooling her mom into thinking she had eaten “the crack rocks” with a fake journal entry and Beverly listening in on her daughter’s phone calls, father Murray was rather relaxed. Although, he usually is with his daughter. They have a very special “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of relationship.
But that was about to change.
Besides demanding he have peace and quiet to watch in awe as a one-legged model strutted down the runway, Murray was quite content to let life happen for Erica. Nothing to fear with his teenage daughter as she’s just having fun during her high school years. He kept insisting to Beverly that she was overreacting. Why was Erica’s bed sheet not tightly hugging the mattress? As far as Murray was concerned, it didn’t matter. That was, until his wife dropped this bombshell of reality on him that night…
“Your baby girl is at a college frat house wearing a thin layer of bedding.”
Content just met the burnout of a station wagon!
For Erica, being grown-up at a college party was supposed to be fun and transcendent with older, suave gentlemen. To say it was the complete opposite would be very accurate, especially after her friend bailed to check-out an aquarium. This left Erica stranded on “high school girl at a college party” island. This, plus bumping into the beer can mountain, solidified the fact that she couldn’t be trusted. Her mom was right. Erica wanted to go home. But that reconciliatory tone that left her feeling slightly embarrassed was replaced with complete embarrassment when her mom and dad showed up in a station wagon outside the bustling frat house.
After Murray was somehow distracted by the infamous “aquarium,” Beverly had a heart-to-heart with her dejected and angry daughter. What was said? Basically, every daughter wants freedom, but every mother won’t trust her daughter enough to give her that freedom. The opening quote of this post says it all. And with this genuine confession and realization came peace between mother and daughter…at least until the next weekend.
As for Adam, he watched When Harry Met Sally again and had an epiphany. In that instant, dressed to the nines as a game show host, he ran out the door and down a street of raining sprinklers to Emmy’s front door. When she answered, he pulled her down into the “rain” and confessed that every reason why Harry loved Sally was the complete opposite of why he liked her. Sally would never put a worm on her face, but Emmy would…and did.
Adam didn’t love Emmy and Emmy didn’t love Adam, but they liked each other as friends and partners in crime. It was one of the most romantic, yet unromantic confessions between two people (with help of “Kyrie” by Mr. Mister).
It was perfect. It was Adam + Emmy again.
Barry, in his unique effort to impress his crush, made sure he had the beaded curtains and a mustard colored shirt with small geometric shapes ready for an afternoon study session…in the kitchen…with his mom nearby. Even when Beverly with her new found sense of trust for her children (though temporary) told Barry they could move up into his room, his attractive study partner refused. She not only refused the relocation invitation, but more shockingly she wasn’t tempted by the whale sounds?
Weird.
All in all, parents and children alike must work hard to demonstrate a mutual understanding of one’s motives and reasoning for a variety of life’s complicated circumstances.
Trust cannot be found hidden in a journal or in a famous movie, but only in our hearts…until that 11:00 p.m. curfew Mr. Mister!
Parachuting into a Girl’s Heart
“Now we’re parachute pals!”
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of The Goldbergs from January 21, 2014:
For a young man in junior high, there comes a moment that happens but maybe once in his lifetime that transcends the very meaning of his existence on Earth.
What is this magical instance?
It’s the one time when a guy tries to be funny around a girl he likes and, as if the Gates of Heaven begin to open its doors, the girl genuinely laughs. She laughs! Then, by some miracle, she continues this miraculous event with a casual request “to save her a dance.” Inside a guy’s head, it might as well be the Fourth of July combined with Christmas!
Now, the difficult part. Learning to dance…
Adam’s conquest of securing his first dance with a girl can be viewed (in its initial stage of moving to his own rhythm courtesy of a television show) as a traffic accident in the middle of a busy intersection. Fortunately for him, members of his family were traveling on roads around the scene of this crash. But only one would have the jumper cables to provide the spark for Adam’s own Saturday Night Fever.
Who knew the best help kit would involve something tailor made for a skydiver?
Erica was busy on the phone with her own emergency, which involved her friend’s new car and the color yellow.
Got it. Enough said. No further questions needed.
Time to reluctantly seek some sort of “wisdom” across the hall. And Barry doesn’t disappoint. The older brother is confident, yet clueless. Or so it seemed…
Adam is left with his only option: television and a snuggie, plus some rad moves!
Sneaking up behind her adorable son awkwardly following the dance show he was mimicking, Beverly Goldberg tries to persuade her sweet little Adam to let her teach him to dance. He, as expected, refuses with the power of a thousand suns. Until he, to his pure shock, witnesses and comes to grips with what a star dancer his Mom was with moves comparable to John Travolta himself.
After mastering the first seven chapters or so, the money dance had arrived in his living room like the Publishers Clearing House knocking at their door. But would Adam open the door and accept the check?
Despite multiple formal and informal protests, Adam was eventually persuaded by his Mom to…(deep breath) slow dance. Adam and his Mom knew that this was the real dance he wanted to learn to impress the girl of his dreams.
How did it go?
Let’s put it this way: It was embarrassing, uncomfortable and a little more embarrassing, but it was solving his problem.
Until…
Beverly then pulled her son in close in the most hilariously creepy yet adorable way possible with the rationale, “You smell like the dryer!” It was a successful dance lesson, but it was definitely over.
Despite a moment that was more awkward than A Flock of Seagulls haircut, the mission was mostly complete. Adam learned how to dance, while also maintaining the mental image of Barry dancing like the fourth, white member of Run DMC on a large piece of cardboard in the basement.
Then, when things couldn’t get any better, Beverly gave Adam parachute…the 1980s version of wait for it…pants! Yes, it happened! Combined with the perfect stone washed denim jacket, Adam was ready for takeoff. That was until his Mom popped out from the kitchen the day of the dance with the exact same outfit and the breaking news that she was a chaperone.
Elvis cannot leave the building.
In a panic, Adam implored his sister Erica to help distract their Mom with a photo album project (all he had to do was stop saying he ” loved her” for this favor). Hours would be needed. Success was on the horizon. But this is Beverly Goldberg we’re talking about and she pieced together a photo album for the ages in no time.
Literally.
Shell-shocked and impressed, Erica was powerless to stop her Mother from going to Adam’s dance. Something big was going to happen…
While all of this was occurring, Barry was pretending not to know anything about “the birds and the bees” to his Dad because he was upset Murry never sat him down for “the talk” or anything else like that (thank goodness Pops was there). But Murry was strong-armed by his wife to finally give him “the talk.” Enter hilarious baseball analogies concerning Mike Schmidt, Wade Boggs and the dual sport athlete Bo Jackson. Plus a Fraggle reference.
“Bo can be a girl’s name.”
“They (Fraggles) dance their cares away!”
At the school dance, Adam speaks to his Mom and forces her to go away out of embarrassment. Devastated, Beverly listens and slowly makes her way out of the gymnasium. While this is happening, Adam meets up with his crush, but she’s too humiliated to dance because her Mom (also a chaperone) was dancing in the middle of the dance floor.
What now!?
A quick realization of what his Mom had done for him with the dance lesson and awesome clothing, Adam ran out of the gym to his sulking Mom and begged her to return. And being the star Beverly was, she not only returned, but she brought everyone (including her son’s crush) to the dance floor with her Travolta swagger and “The Safety Dance” (fitting for Adam’s car wreck of a beginning to dancing).
Then, as the music for the slow dance came on, Beverly cleverly maneuvered her fellow chaperone to the sidelines for her son’s and her daughter’s magical moment.
The dance had arrived and it was perfect…except for his Mom mouthing, “I love you” with emotional hand motions from the large door window only 30 paces away.
After realizing he had never had any of “the talks” with Barry, Murry finally decided to teach him something now. His lesson turned out to be much more than just a party trick to open a bottle to Barry…and Murry.
There is no “official” manual for parenting, which brings to mind a cause for celebration when creativity randomly flourishes from the minds of a Mom or Dad in the form of parachute pants, Fraggles and Wade Boggs.
“I was living for a dream, loving for a moment, taking on the world, that was just my style…”
Looking Beyond the Fiddle Faddle
“I’m a female woman!”
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of “The Goldbergs” from December 3, 2013.
There are practically zero circumstances in life where that statement makes any logical sense…at all.
To add a bit of clarity, here’s a little context: Beverly Goldberg in mall jail.
Mystery solved.
Imagine running a marathon for 26.19 miles and then, for the final 0.01 mile of the race, your brother sweeps in from nowhere to joyfully jog backwards into the finish line to reap all the glory. The frustration one would feel would be off the charts in complete and utter shock. The emotions would be virtually unprecedented. Actually, in this situation, that was exactly the case. Switch in six months of pursuing the grand prize in “Legends of Zelda” in 1980s-something for the marathon and you’ve got Adam and Barry’s most recent brotherly battle.
What’s worse: Adam losing his glorious Zelda finale to his older brother, Barry’s negativity forcing his quick thinking grandfather to lie and deceive him about luck or that Barry wore a ketchup colored shirt to bet on the ponies while eating a hot dog with mustard?
All have the credentials to claim the Exotica.
To fully understand how Beverly Goldberg found herself in the treacherous room known as “mall jail,” the issue of money plus a teenage daughter must first be discussed. What do you get when the savviest shopper of all-time (buy two mattresses, get two free and a $9.99 lawn mower!) gives birth to a daughter who fifteen or sixteen years later gets a job as a cashier at a dynamite department store with an incredible employee discount?
You get a Mom who sets up camp at her embarrassed teenage daughter’s place of employment/place of coolness/”supposed” freedom and independence, a mannequin stolen, but also the incomparable “Clapper.”
After all the clothes and random purchases during just one week, Erica’s boss finally stepped in (but in a totally non-flirtatious way) to subtly tell his newest employee that her Mom had to be cut-off from the discount.
Enter the snow pants.
With a perfectly maniacal plan to deny the discount from her Mother, Erica, with a smile, watched as her Mom “allegedly” tried to steal perfume while also buying snow pants for the same daughter who was willing to send her own Mother down the river…to mall jail.
While all this was happening, “Barry Luck” was providing said brother with a delusional sense of prosperous fortune. Was it real? No. But sometimes it takes an illusion to spark a necessary and magical mindset of confidence. The placebo effect. It’s something grandparents understand and Pops is undoubtedly one of the greats.
The tension between Erica and Beverly, like most things in life, was not really about a massive overuse of an employee discount. It was about big life decisions and what she and her Mom value most. And the reasons for those decisions.
As every family should realize (and the Goldbergs sure did), being a Mom is full-time job that truly brings harmony, stability and a crazily awesome love for her family.
There are times when we need to pause, take a deep breath and understand that people want different things out of life. Knowing what we want out of life, with all the chaos and opportunities around us, is an impressive trait to possess. Whatever that may be, it’s a sign of intelligence, strength and inner serenity.
And if that’s your starting point every morning, then you should consider yourself rich without the need for any discount or “(insert your name here) luck.”
Beverly Goldberg was only in mall jail for 12 minutes. However, it doesn’t take viewers nearly that long to get hilariously excited for each new episode of “The Goldbergs” every Tuesday night at 9:00 p.m. on ABC.
It’s a popular favorite!
P.S. Beverly literally owns “The Clapper.” She literally used it in the best way imaginable!
Jimmy's Daily Planet 