What do I want my wish to be for my birthday?

Wishing that USWNT soccer star Alex Morgan was single…

Wait. I need to think more realistically about this. Alex Morgan isn’t single. What else do I really want that’s both fully achievable and would create an incomparable feeling of rejuvenation?

Oh, right. Dinosaurs eat people.

Maybe something with fewer teeth instead.

Have a Better Week Than Last Week.