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That ’80s Thanksgiving
Spoiler Alert: Content in this blog is from the November 19, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
Duck hunting + Jazzercise + a martini for Pops = Thanksgiving
The Goldbergs celebrate Thanksgiving like most families in America, which includes every color combination of spandex, an unrivaled Power Glove and the desire to gravitate towards the people and things we truly are thankful for. So, fittingly, there’s plenty of chaos, turmoil and hilarity.
“By 9:00 a.m. we’ll be elbow deep in a 20 lb. Butterball!”
Erica insists/flat-out tells her mom Beverly that she doesn’t want anything to do with a Goldbergs Thanksgiving and that she plans to spend the day at her friend Lainey’s house. This causes a glorious overreaction from the Jazzercising Beverly, which results in fantastic mother-daughter battles for the heart of Thanksgiving.
Aside from the main characters, Uncle Marvin is a wonderful dynamic in this sitcom paradise and impressionable Adam is his excited protégé. Perhaps blinded by the futuristic technology known as “the beeper,” Adam and Barry are mesmerized by the coolness of their uncle who just randomly stops by in his DeLorean (yes, the inspiration for the time machine), but his shared interests in classic ’80s movies, the Nintendo gaming system and its powerful glove thrilled Adam to his core. In fact, the aforementioned Power Glove was a gift from Uncle Marvin! Adam finally had a partner in-crime/agent for his national video game domination.
The Nintendo Power Glove: “Everything else is child’s play”
Seeing the remarkable connection between his youngest son and his uncle, Murray (with guidance from Pops) chose to show interest in Adam’s favorite activity at that moment: video games. Unfortunately, age recommendations are marked for a reason on technology like Nintendo, especially for people who don’t pause first before looking/slamming for the pause button. Sadly, in this situation, the essential wires in the Power Glove got the harshest of beat downs. That is, until Barry put it on and stuck it up a turkey’s ass while preparing the delicious bird for dinner.
Barry never disappoints.
Despite this tragedy, what hurt Adam more than his unusable Power Glove was the fact that his dad Murray didn’t understand the reason why he loved hanging out with his Uncle Marvin so much. Adam admired Uncle Marvin because, unlike everybody else, he understood him. He didn’t make fun of him or belittle his favorite things. He spoke his language of dreaming amazingly big, making the impossible possible, all with a contagiously wild imagination.
This got Murray thinking. It was time for a power nap.
Even after Erica survived a Marine’s Jazzercise session and the most illegal/entertaining speed walking race in history, Pops (there he is again…) let her in on a little secret about her mom and his late wife that involved family recipes and a special connection in age when being introduced to the hectic universe of preparing Thanksgiving dinner with one’s mother. So, like a Goldberg, after exhausting every fiber of her being to refuse some ridiculous activity with her family, Erica finally used those precious beats in her heart as the deciding votes.
Dinner will be served: Goldbergs style.
Eventually, Murray came to see that video games were not really just about the games, but instead about connecting with his son. The result was a father and son spending the afternoon shooting ducks…on Nintendo (Shout out to “Duck Hunt!”). But a dad playing video games with his son is something I can relate to. When I was Adam’s age, my dad also played sports video games with me. This experience was great because he showed an enthusiastic interest in something I really enjoyed. And, just like Adam and Murray, a couple buttons always seemed to break when our fathers played these video games together, but it was definitely worth it.
After all the craziness of that day from cooking a perfect Thanksgiving dinner, Beverly and Erica expressed their bonding experience in the kitchen like something straight out of a Hallmark card:
“We kicked Thanksgiving’s ass!”
Yes you did Goldbergs, yes you did…
And, if you’re like me, when you think of Thanksgiving and family, John Parr, a “man in motion” and St. Elmo’s Fire immediately comes to mind (it did for show creator Adam F. Goldberg)
I’m thankful for The Goldbergs (and my family too!)
The Game of Life
Spoiler Alert: The following contains content from the November 12, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
As determined as a ‘hungry, hungry hippo’ and as energetic as a teenage girl hanging-out with her friends talking, Barry Goldberg’s mission towards gaming superiority still may be stuck in the impossible.
Trivial Pursuit is the game and sister Erica his brainy nemesis. Honestly, knowing the author of “The Diary of Anne Frank” is tricky. Anyone could have missed that one…and by anyone, I mean only one: Barry Goldberg. Without the help of the JTP, he was left stranded on an island in the form of a kitchen table chair with nothing but his Big Tasty raps, ka-ra-tay moves and his confused concept of what sitting down means. Nostalgic board game nirvana aside, Barry’s only hope to defeat Erica for title of the smartest person in the world/between the two of them would require a measured approach to studying and preparation.
“I will do everything in my power to learn knowledge!”
While this intellectual battle between siblings brewed at the Goldergs’ kitchen table (under the careful supervision of bathroom break prone Pops), youngest child Adam was facing a ball of a time in gym class…literally. Red, rubber balls to be precise. The most gladiator-like gym class activity, dodge ball, is the pinnacle of survival for any young boy and girl.
True story.
After hearing about such a “barbaric” game, Beverly went into Beverly-mode: yes, Beverly Goldberg got dodge ball cancelled. But after a special isolation exercise by Mr. Mellor focused on Adam, the youngest Goldberg was struck square in the face with one of these balls of life. It left a red mark, which matched the fury of mama Beverly. We all know what happened next, following a slow-motion, fear-driven stroll through the halls of William Penn Academy. Beverly Goldberg not only cancelled dodge ball, but she also got Mr. Mellor fired.
It just got real…entertaining.
After Murray relieved Mr. Mellor from his inaccurate curb address number painting gig (“where’s the 3?”) and enlisting him to help him at his work, the uber-competitive gym teacher proved too intense for his laid-back job in the furniture store (self-high five). Plus, there were just too many bananas…way too many bananas in one drink.
Had Beverly gone too far?
Of course she did, that’s not even a serious question. But it was in the funniest way possible. Still, a gym teacher belongs in a gym, torturing young children with life lessons and sports cliches, rope climbs and world-class dodging. And sometimes that gym teacher who still doesn’t know your last name is pushing you so hard because he wants to instill some relentless toughness in you, preparing you to dodge life’s many unpredictable challenges that not even the all-powerful Beverly can deflect.
And after Erica beat Barry at his own game (literally, he made a game called, “Barrynopoly”), Barry was not only deflated about his surprising defeat, but he candidly disclosed his intellectual limitations to his older sister Erica.
It just got real…for real.
Contests and debates between siblings reveal a special bond, one that extends beyond normal competitive jousting. There’s an uncensored ruthlessness, all in good fun, with added realizations of what’s really at stake. Just don’t say the words, “Chinese checkers” around a particular sister of mine…But just as Erica cheated to ensure Barry got his much-needed victory at Trivial Pursuit (questions from the “junior edition” were discreetly used), so do all of us with siblings to one extent or another. This may include an older sister finally giving in and seeing and laughing at a movie in the theater she had previously refused to admit she enjoyed, just to spend some quality time with her younger brother and validate his choice in comedy. Or this may include going easy on a younger brother during a complex card game, to give him a much-needed win after a stressful week (then my oldest sister crushed me 3 times in a row, but still).
Even a gaming warrior needs to show some heart every once in a while. A true warrior is not only physically and intellectually formidable, but this person is also fully aware of his or her surroundings:
Like a 1980s music video, a warrior also knows how to take it over-the-top for the win!
The Goldbergs Melt with Us
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content featured in the October 29, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
“Home is where the heart is”
This Hallmark-worthy sentiment seems to be the antithesis of how the Goldbergs feel about their home. Instead, it’s more like, “home is where each person has their individual space, preferences and buffer zone.” This includes Adam’s future home with his wife and four snuggle-loving boys as revealed by America’s favorite Smother Beverly. And yet, Adam is already not happy about having to move his action figures from the garage to the basement to make room for the woman ‘who made him, with her own body.’
This conversation all started with a tray of flammable shots mistakenly lit by retired party-animal Pops during his rockin’ Halloween soirée.
Trick or treat indeed…
It’s become a familiar and trying debate for all families who must confront where their retired parents and/or grandparents will reside in their later years. Some say they should move-in with their children and grandchildren (Beverly with the usual passion of a thousand suns), while others believe in moving them into a retirement community (Murray, Erica, Adam, Barry…and Pops?). This sparks an electrically-charged debate centered on personal preferences (ie – the thermostat), routines sans a hanging tie and imaginary scenarios involving future protocol for treating the current heads of the Goldberg household.
Well, Beverly, to be specific.
This conundrum can be as intense as mixing Coke with Pop Rocks. While it surprisingly doesn’t bring about instant death (major relief!), it can cause severe indigestion when combined with way, way too much Halloween candy, followed by a rap declaring your love for your high school crush. Just remember to spell her name crrecotly. Of course, Barry bravely stepped-up for this 1980-something challenge for the ages. With a backup beat from the JTP, it was nothing short of glorious…in a disaster kind of way.
While the issues of determining the validity of a retirement home for your grandfather or helping a sibling to spend time with a friend of your they had a crush on have yet to apply to me, instances of supporting family have countless times. We do it because we love our family, despite how crazy, outlandish and utterly ridiculous they are. It’s being there to listen, to drive over late at night to read my nephew a bedtime story or indulging in something you had absolutely no interest in, like going to a George Carlin concert with your excited younger brother. There may have been some Bushido Code, an ancient samurai tradition, involved with that concert. But the latter is a critical skill to have and to polish from time-to-time because it can reveal important truths, like when Pops told his daughter Beverly that he preferred to live in a retirement community as opposed to her house…even with the bachelor pad-constructed attic that Beverly put together with some light dusting and window additions. Or when Erica caves and convinces her best friend Lainey to spend some time with her idiotic brother Barry in the hospital. Remember the Coke and Pop Rocks + Halloween candy + a love rap in the middle of school? Yup, to many people’s surprise, that sequence of events was not the best idea. But that’s partly what life is all about, seeing how many awesome things (by our own definitions, of course) we can do and pushing our limits to the max.
Like the good people at Nike always say, “just do it.” And like the Goldbergs always say, “family takes care of family.”
Also, a safety tip from Beverly Goldberg for all those anxious trick-or-treaters tonight and when they should eat their candy: “Not until we take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed!”
Family also makes us crazy.
The Goldbergs are Really Co (Damn Printer)
Spoiler Alert: This post contains content from the October 22, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
Toasters flying in the air, pretending to hack the school’s computer system and covertly learning about important historical events is how high school kids in suburban Philadelphia rocked it in the ’80s, “JTP” style. Forget mansions, yachts and caviar, the true high rollers rode deep with Pepsi and sandwiches with potato chips in them. Plus, someone would randomly run around naked, as one does. The Jenkintown Posse (JTP) was “the” exclusive club to be in as seen by youngest brother Adam. In a truly rare moment, Adam saw his older brother Barry in a positive, cool light. How could he break this firewall between an “Oregon Trail”-playing, dying of dysentery kid to “one of the guys?”
One word/cult movie title: WarGames.
Speaking of war games, Beverly’s ecstatic excitement for a technology that printed her children on a bright white shirt could only be deflated by the sight of her daughter Erica and her friends with her newest suburban enemy: “the cool mom.” Wearing a sweater that only covers one shoulder is pretty bae. Anyways, it’s clearly foolish for Beverly to be concerned about not being viewed as “the cool mom” when she publicly (and proudly) wears a t-shirt with her three kids’ faces on it. It’s not like she’d ever say anything embarrassing to the random t-shirt vendor in the middle of the mall with a big smile on her face, right?
“I made these people, I made them with my body.”
Our efforts to be liked (ie – cool) is an aspect about life we all can relate to, especially when there’s a tether connected to our parents and/or older siblings. In the case of The Goldbergs, they had to act out in hilarious ways in order to fit into that exclusive club known as being cool. Whether this meant a mom dressing up and dancing like Madonna with a boom box (it’s a machine used to play music) in front of her daughter and her friends or typing gibberish on a computer screen (ie – askldjidxa!%*) that supposedly translated into grades being changed for the JTP (“JTP!”) or getting drunk with your hip dad Pops so your daughter would have to take care of you after stumbling in after curfew or even printing a fake hall pass to assist in stealing the rival school’s mascot (a real falcon) that would get his older brother back in tight with his posse, a big part of being cool is redefining the rules of the game. It’s probably safe to say we’ve all done stuff like this with our families in some ways. As the Goldbergs continue to prove, just being there for one another is what families are all about.
And that’s pretty cool.
See, no reason to be embarrassed by one’s parents.
Of course, it was just a bit shocking and unnerving to hear my dad (several years ago) tell a random airport custom’s agent who was asking about his three children’s passports that while we all had different birth places, we were all conceived in the same place.
True story.
In some form or another, every parent wears a bright white t-shirt with their children’s face(s) on it that’s primed for plenty of opportunities for public humiliation. And in those situations, it can make dying of dysentery on the “Oregon Trail” not seem so bad.
I just might bet a Bev Buck on that.
Jimmy's Daily Planet 