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By the Power of Grayskull, Fools Will Fall
Spoiler Alert: Content in this blog post is from the April 1, 2015 episode of The Goldbergs
When the creation of the Momager (Mom + Manager) isn’t the highlight of the show, that’s a sign the Goldberg family hit the right notes in their special April Fools’-themed episode (did you notice Barry’s t-shirt flash changes between the Flyers and Flames?). In a half hour that featured one of those pandemonium-filled free concerts in malls across America of yesteryear by the it performer of that time and a prank war that rivaled the Cold War, suburban Philadelphia could not be prepared for what would transpire.
The picture that developed from these events will haunt our dreams forever…
From pretending to destroy the cherished shoe of a 76er great to obliterating Castle Grayskull to removing all susceptible targets of destruction from one’s room to dismantling a video camera, Adam and Barry did not participate, but were heavily invested in winning April Fools’ Day. It got serious really quickly and elevated to a level that could have broken them. But, after completely confusing 3-4 major conflicts, Barry did manage to understand the importance of the Berlin Wall falling down.
A truce was necessary. Adam’s livelihood at school was saved (you’ll see).
Meanwhile, Erica was busy obsessing over the parties she and Tiffany would inevitably host together once they were both touring pop superstars. Like every girl alive, she dreamed of singing to thousands of screaming, adoring fans. Then came the “pusher” and the “smusher” (ie- Beverly and Murray). It was Beverly’s surefire parenting trick to encourage her children to do anything, but with a contingency (the practicality of Murray) to push them back to reality. Except in this case, Murray flipped the script on his speechless wife. The result was a labyrinth of role reversals between the three that eventually led to Erica’s fiscally tight dad giving his aspirational daughter $200 to follow her dreams in recording a demo tape.
The fluorescent t-shirts are ready for sale (contact the Momager for more information).
By having two older sisters, I never experienced the glorious prank battles between brothers. My sisters and I had an insane amount of fun together with unforgettable memories and sometimes the dynamic was like I had an older brother, but there was no Big Tasty rapping his horribly specific rhymes in my childhood. Regardless, I remember idolizing a famous singer/band and going into a record store and buying their CD (that’s the physical version of a digital download, young people) or, like Adam, enjoying everything amazing by Steven Spielberg.
I had/have dreams of one day acting in a Steven Spielberg movie. Crazy, right? Well, whether it happens or not, that’s a good thing. Just like Beverly and Murray, it’s important to promote the idea that anything is attainable. Murray “The Smusher” Goldberg put it best: He told his daughter that while there are millions of other girls trying to become a famous pop star like her, she needs to remember that she is an original.
And Tiffany Renee Darwish had to work hard to take the improbable journey to become Tiffany. Everything seems crazy until it happens.
Including this:
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
The Real Beverly 1, The Real Adam 0.
Everyday is April Fools’ Day with Beverly Goldberg.
Have a Little Faith on the Edge
Spoiler Alert: Content from this blog post is from the March 25, 2015 episode of The Goldbergs
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Like any good sitcom, the objective is to humorously dance on the border of what’s funny and what’s not, what’s acceptable and what’s taboo. In the case of The Goldbergs last night, they literally dealt with lines of acceptable behavior in ways they haven’t before.
When it gets real, you’re gonna feel…almost as much as those lost boys from that ’80s cult classic.
“So, which boy is lost? His poor mother must be going insane.”
On more than a few occasions in our lives, we’ll get angry. In fact, we’ll get so piping mad that we’ll build everything up that’s bothering us for an explosion that would rival Pompeii. That unlucky person at the bottom better prepare for the hottest lava they’ve ever seen and thought possible. Then, it happens. Bottled up emotions are released and our message has finally gotten across to that certain someone.
Victory at last! Line = crossed.
Barry and Erica stood up to their mom’s ridiculous guilt-tripping antics. It was long overdue. In their minds, if they didn’t do something dramatic, then they had failed as children (self high-five).
The result? They stranded their über (not the car service) loving mom on the side of a road for her to walk home, until she’s rescued and dropped off by a nice police officer.
Uh oh.
The consequence? Succumbing to a bedazzling session that would make Liberace blush.
On the other side of town was Adam and Murray at a Phillies game. As is the situation at most every baseball game, the real exciting action takes place off the field. Adam, determined to prove once-and-for-all that he was in fact a man to his frustrated father, chose the all-too-familiar disgusting stadium bathroom (without decorative soaps, mind you!) as his Death Star to conquer. The only problem was Luke Adam forgot to remember where his seat was…Being lost in a stadium, before cell phones, was a terrifying ordeal. There’s literally almost nothing to do. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack., except this needle is your kid/dad and there’s a time limit with serious fears of never seeing him again.
So, what does a man do in this maze of fear?
A real man (in a split second) is able to prioritize what’s truly important in life and shut everything else out. We refrain from using whatever ammunition we had saved up for our boisterous proclamations and, instead, use our energy to make sure the other person is alright. That’s precisely what happened when Adam finally saw his dad worriedly waiting for him by the car in the cleared parking lot.
Even more important than children (11, 14 or however old they are?) obeying their parents’ sometimes absurd wishes is realizing that parents are in a similar dynamic. They can be argumentative, stern and just as capable of overreacting as their children. Ironically though, parents want exactly what their angst-filled kids want: for them to be happy, independent and to feel safe. And John Hiatt’s “Have a Little Faith in Me” was the perfect song to capture this sentiment at the end of arguably the most sincere Goldbergs episode yet.
One of the best parts about family is that they give us plenty of chances to learn this essential life lesson, with hilariously awkward moments sprinkled in bedazzled on.
It’s as awesome as high-fiving a dolphin.
Happy Fake Baby, Happy Life, Maybe?
Spoiler Alert: This blog post contains details from the March 4, 2015 episode of The Goldbergs
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Cabbage Patch Kids were the Tickle Me Elmo’s of the 1980s. The craze was real and it impacted the lives of boys and girls, as well as mothers and fathers all across the country. Thanks to clever teachers, kids in middle school were treated to some of the best birth control by welcoming/forcing a Cabbage Patch Kid into their daily routines of riding their bikes carefree, mowing lawns and playing games at the arcade in the mall. For Adam and Dana, little Merna Leia DeLorean Goldberg would change their lives…forever.
Meanwhile, the JTP was smashing some good produce by the local WaWa. Nothing would stop this unrivaled fun, except the girl. Actually, in this case, it was two girls: Lainey and Erica. When Lainey chose boyfriend Barry over Erica with a prized ticket to see Heart in concert, Erica decided the best revenge was to take her oldest brother’s crown and rule the JTP with an unintended romantic touch. The plan was brilliant. Admittedly, sibling battles are unusually detailed and shrewdly executed for exacting retaliation. This one was no different.
When a young man gets married and has a pretend child that doesn’t blink, life gets complicated. Not really with any of his new responsibilities, but because there are now two women in the picture: his wife/crush and his Smother. When Beverly feels threatened by Dana’s rise to importance in her baby boy’s life, she panics in hilarious fashion. Let’s just say her overreaction involved dismissing Dana’s input, strolling around a toy baby in the park, losing said toy and buying a replacement in a sketchy black market exchange from the trunk of a car by the always entertaining guest star Nick Swardson.
I also have the strongest heroin(e) in the world.
What!?
She-Ra: Princess of Power.
Not even She-Ra could have saved Beverly this time, especially after bringing home a really, really bad Cabbage Patch Kids knock-off. As in not even close. And this was because the only person who could make Adam happy at this point was his wife/girlfriend. So, Adam stood up to his mom in defense of his girlfriend. It was a difficult lesson to learn for Beverly, but when friends and family are pushed to the edge, that’s usually when they finally realize the importance of truly special relationships.
After seeing his posse hang with his sister, Barry understood where his girlfriends’ heart really belonged Friday night: at the concert with her BFF. Beverly, with help from the ever-so-rare, but fantastic words of wisdom from husband Murray, discovered she needed to turn the lights on for her scrumptious baby boy and his crush. The tree house never looked better, as Adam and Dana’s faces lit up as brightly as the lights that were secretly put up by Dana and a certain grandmother…
“The Goldbergs delivered its 2nd-biggest audience ever and tied the series’ 2nd-highest young adult rating” (TV by the Numbers).
Adam F. Goldberg’s masterful sitcom is attracting new viewers and impressing its loyal fans each and every week. Part of this is due to the time period it’s based: the 1980s. It reminds us that while amazing movies, classic television shows, video games, etc. ruled popular culture, the cell phone, internet and on-demand options hadn’t yet entered our lives as a minute-minute necessity. It was, as the saying goes, a simpler time.
This sitcom perfectly illustrates that relationships between friends and family matter. (A random FYI – Family Matters debuted in 1989 and was also a terrific show). Life should not be lived within a 4-inch screen and the ’80s thankfully reminds us of this. Instead of endlessly scrolling through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, we should dust-off our old boomboxes, find that romantic tape and simply say anything to the love of our life. It’s for those moments when we accidentally touch someone’s hand or someone steps on our foot.
When we listen to our heart, we’re never alone.
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Spray Can
Spoiler Alert: Content in this blog is from the February 11, 2015 episode of The Goldbergs
“I love you this much!”
What exactly does “this” mean? The natural vulnerability of being in love is a labyrinth for those who are married, but most especially for a young man in middle school. Adam Goldberg is a victim of his own massive heart, which gives way to happiness, excitement and intense paranoia. In Adam’s case, the “this much” debate had quickly catapulted its way into the stratosphere of the unknown with his increasingly popular girlfriend Dana after a charming high school gentlemen (revered by all) invited her to a class party at the water tower. Prince Charming also invited Dana’s little brother Adam. Ouch! To put it plainly, everybody seemed to be going through a growth spurt…except the most delicious boy in town (Beverly’s words).
Fortunately, just like pumping iron, the only way to go is up:
(The Goldbergs Twitter)
Disappointed is his lack of facial hair, Adam turned to Gentlemen’s Quarterly (GQ) for a follicle release method to speed up his inner Indiana Jones scruff. Following a thoroughly embarrassing family gathering in the bathroom with a Polaroid camera, which included his sister Erica’s lady’s razor, the mission was clear. The time had come for a big romantic gesture: Goldberg style.
Speaking of big gestures for love, none could compare to the one shown by lifelong Eagles fan Murray Goldberg. Barry being Barry, he broke down the “wall of no” of his dad and somehow managed to persuade him to watch his beloved Philadelphia Eagles face-off against those detestable Dallas Cowboys with Lainey’s dad. Little did they realize that there was some country twang in Jenkintown, PA…
So, how does one compete with the older, more evolved Prince Charming? How about a family engagement ring that comes with a complementary Beverly tracker? Showing up at the hallway locker gift-giving ceremony, the Goldbergs proved again to be the most awesomely awkward family ever. How did it end? Let’s just say there was a non-proposal proposal from Adam to his mother in front of all the cool kids. She took the ring back with an I do can do attitude and left her snuggle monster humiliated.
In a desperate attempt to prove his pre-grown up worth to Dana, the admirably ambitious Adam hopped on his bike and rode to the water tower party. In a daring effort, he climbed the tall water tower ladder with Dana’s (and everybody’s) attention keenly on him. He whipped a red spray can out and started to publicly declare his love for his girlfriend in front of Prince Charming and Co. Nearly finishing his epic quest, there was only one thing (well, one letter) that stood in Adam’s way. Recall that Dana has two “A’s”…
It was the perfect failure. It just had to happen that way.
Feeling out of place during that awkward middle school years is something I can absolutely relate to. Aside from school, my embarrassment at a lack of a Tom Selleck-like growth spurt was most clearly evident during summer track/Junior Olympics years. I was a high jumper (among other events) and I was by far the shortest leaper in my age group. Like Adam, it was like a boy versus men dynamic. There were likely plenty of spectators and parents who thought I was jumping in the wrong age group. Instead, I held my ground.
Well, not literally.
That belief that you are not tall enough or that you don’t fit in is brutal. It’s an eternal truth. However, when we’re with the right people and when we accept that it’s not about them, but actually ourselves, there’s no telling how high we can go!
I’m a high jumper, you had to know that pun was coming.
(BTW – How high did I go? How about a few national championships around the country)
The power of love is an unmatched force, whether romantic or familial. Murray, after sort of admitting he likes Barry just a tiny bit more than his precious Eagles, helped his son understand (and vice-versa) what the real priorities in life are all about.
Barry and Lainey Lainey and Barry forever.
Plus, let’s not forget that Dana said she liked Adam and her new gimmicky Green Lantern ring just perfectly without grand gestures and that all she wanted to do was hang out and play video games together. I think that’s what we call Girlfriend Hall of Fame material.
I also think we’re all thankful that Beverly baked all of her children in her tummy.
The Goldbergs are America’s Family: Cacaw!
Jimmy's Daily Planet 