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“What are you going to do when the Ruski invaders storm the suburbs of Philly?”
Spoiler Alert: This is a Recap of the April 1, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
What does a pull-up, Red Dawn, a complete misunderstanding of the French language and a letter from President Reagan (but not really) all have in common?
Just another day in the Goldberg household.
Gym class in middle school can be a tortuous occasion (especially when wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with your name written on it in black marker). The embarrassment of not being able to do physical activities in front of all your classmates can be life-scarring, with the added bonus of the mispronunciation of your last name by your gym teacher. Still, the most fearful stage of the Presidential Fitness Test of the 1980s was that steel bar hanging high above the ground, shining with intimidation like a spotlight in the middle of the gymnasium for the muscle-intensive pull-up.
How does one lift their head over that bar when athletic ability is not your best friend or third cousin? For the terrified Adam Goldberg, it had something to do with a pool…
“Bienvenue à Philadelphie!“
Erica happily welcomed a bit of European culture to her family (plus croissants!) for a few days with a visit from her pen-pal from France. As Barry quickly gathered, Erica’s guest was a beautiful brunette fille. And, as Erica quickly gathered, this translated into a bevy of hilariously customized music lyrics and morning pleasantries as exclaimed with pride by both Barry and Philly’s own Big Tasty.
The older sister pranks always seem to have that extra qualité spéciale.
While Barry was unassumingly communicating crazy things about cats to the Goldbergs’ wildly confused French guest, Beverly was busy smothering her baby boy Adam with love and a promise to obtain an executive order from President Reagan himself to skip the Presidential Fitness Test.
Conversely, Murray chose to take a stern stance on Adam’s participation.
“Every kid in America has to take that test!”
“But what does that have to do with my Adam?”
As Adam was preparing to stick to admiring the action of Red Dawn on the silver screen, his father Murray sat his youngest son down for a talk about the importance of his youthful experience with learning to swim and trying his hardest no matter what. Inspired, Adam put on his “Mighty Thor” t-shirt and sweatbands to train for that dreaded “pull-up.”
Then, after a comical interpretation of what the local Comptroller was and inter-governmental revenge for a sister, Beverly Goldberg had achieved what nobody had thought possible…
A letter from President Reagan excusing Adam!
Well, it was a letter from a friend-of-a-friend of a colleague of a cousin or someone in Philadelphia that happened to have stationary with the presidential seal and print that excused Adam Goldberg from the Presidential Fitness Test. Ecstatic, Adam dropped from his practice bar and grabbed his letter in pure relief.
FYI-Beverly Goldberg’s calendar doesn’t have an April 1st. Nobody fools Beverly Goldberg (yes, it’s a borrowed/altered joke, but it absolutely fits with yesterday’s episode and date!).
However, as Adam stood outside the doors into the gym at school, he heard his father’s voice. Actually, it wasn’t strange at all because his dad happened to be standing right next to him. Murray couldn’t let his son avoid trying something tough, which led to the admission that he never learned to swim as he had originally told his son. It was his biggest regret. And it was in this rare heart-to-heart moment that Adam chose to exert every single ounce of energy in his body for the most awkward and ugly looking pull-up of all-time (with the help of Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger”).
But, he did it! He pulled himself over his fear and onto the front lines of battling those Ruskis!
And Erica, feeling bad for tricking her brother after he revealed his difficulty with talking to American girls and feeling better with taking a shot with someone from another country, again purposefully misread a thank you note for a sweet admission of attraction from her pen-pal. Fluent in French (he was in the war!), Pops applauded his granddaughter for her sincere act of love for her dejected brother.
Unexpectedly and in true Barry-fashion, this led himto park in a no-parking zone and run through the nearby airport to the gate to completely confuse Erica’s pen-pal and receive a customary kiss on each cheek as she departed. Oblivious to French customs, Barry was (once again) left happy in his own reality.
And car-less.
Plus, thanks to a solitary pull-up, Murray found himself in a literal pool of his own fears and a doggy paddle of a shot at swimming with his son ready to rescue him if he were to falter.
You know, that’s kind of like rescuing your fellow soldier in Red Dawn…
P.S. You remember those PSAs.
The Goldbergs are an Amazesome Family
Spoiler Alert: This is a recap of the episode of “The Goldbergs” from March 11, 2014.
Playing a sport you don’t enjoy (& are not good at) is a tough gig, even without the added pressure of a parent who is obsessed with said sport. In the case of Adam Goldberg, hockey was not just slippery. But, for him, it also came with a slope of disaster. His dad Murray was an avid hockey fan, in which he had a strong bond with his surprisingly hockey-athletic son Barry.
Yes, turns out Barry is a maestro at something. But rest assured, the over confident and ridiculous advice is the exact same. The Universe is still aligned the way it should be with plenty of laughs.
In a moment of sure glory for Adam during a big game, he found the puck at his stick with the final seconds ticking away on the scoreboard in a 1-1 tie near the goal. Realizing this was “his shot” to be a great hockey player and to impress his dad in the stands, Adam swung as hard as he could and scored the game winning goal…for the other team.
Sadly (but humorously), Adam realized this devastating news after a post goal dance that mimicked that of his older brother.
It was “Bad News Bears,” ’80s style.
Something had to be done to repair Adam’s confidence. Luckily for him, Barry is always popping out from around the corner to offer typical big brother solace with equal parts absurdity and folly.
Speaking of absurdity and folly, Erica was preparing for the SATs and Beverly was keen on helping her daughter in fulfilling her lifelong dream. And by “her,” this is of course was in reference to Beverly. Erica had scored well enough on a practice exam to get into Penn, but she discovered just 20 or so points higher translated to likely acceptance to Stanford. Unfortunately for Beverly, this was not the Philadelphia branch. It was, in fact, across the country in California. 20,000 miles, according to Beverly.
Advanced tutoring sessions were about to take place by Beverly for Erica, but in ways that were really unbelievable…literally.
In a genuine effort to prove to his dad that he could play hockey, Adam sought the guidance of Barry (first mistake, but we’ll continue on). Fittingly, Barry told young Adam to forget about “playing hockey” and to instead dedicate his time and effort to becoming an enforcer: one who protects the star players with unbound aggression and dirty tricks.
However, not even Run-D.M.C. would have approved of Barry’s suggested ‘tricky tricks.’
This led to a fascinating discourse between brothers on the point that since Barry was teaching Adam the ancient art of a goon, that that meant Adam was training to become a goonie…
It actually makes perfect sense. Think about it…
After an excessive lesson on throwing gloves on the ground, Adam was ready for his debut. And boy, did he ever score with his new-found role.
As Erica’s practice scores continued to rise, Beverly got desperate. This included unapologetic proclamations of visiting her every weekend regardless of her daughter’s collegiate destination. Palo Alto or even the Moon would never keep Beverly Goldberg away. So, to keep Erica’s scores strictly in the “Penn zone,” Beverly literally made up vocabulary words for Erica to memorize.
It was a flimjammed situation.
Erica quickly caught on to her mom’s trick. Throughout the episode, they had frank discussions of how the love between a mother-daughter works. They engaged in multiple exchanges with lots of passionate/angry/loving energy.
“You’d better come over here and hug your momma before I punch you in the face!”
“I hate that you love me so much!”
Returning back to Adam, Barry may have forgotten to inform his younger brother (now a goonie…) that an enforcer does not start something with an opposing player at the first face off to start the game. As punishment for this violation of “goon protocol,” Adam’s target dragged him across the ice and literally scored a goal with Adam himself.
Hockey was not going to work. Instead, with the (again) surprisingly helpful wisdom of Barry, Murray realized he needed to reach Adam on his son’s level: space and home movies. After a failed first take, Murray discovered a giant container of ketchup and a package of white t-shirts would connect him with his son in ways he never would have imagined possible.
This led to one of those quintessential Hallmark card father-son moments: a home movie featuring an alien creature piercing the chest of a father lying on the kitchen table with lots of blood and science fiction chaos.
With Big Country’s classic, “In a Big Country” playing in the background, Beverly and Murray learned that their capacity to support their children’s opposing fascinations could stretch as far as the United States from coast to coast…all 20,000 miles of it.
One thing that doesn’t need to be made up is the fact that The Goldbergs is amazingly awesome…or, as Beverly would say, amazesome.
Jimmy's Daily Planet 