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A Model Family
Spoiler Alert: Content in this post is from the December 10, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
We’ve all “walked the walk” at some point in our lives.
And by “walk the walk,” I mean strutting down our own personalized, made-up model runway in our house. For Barry, fashion recruiter/agent John Calabasas was going to make his wildest dreams come true. Paris is beautiful this time of year! Having more than a strong hunch that this was a scam, Erica desperately tried to talk her brother out of changing the world with his one-of-a-kind look…discovered in a Philadelphia mall…on a random weekday. All it would cost Barry was $100. To him, that seemed like a completely fair and legitimate deal.
The clothing line, “Barry Comfortable” would be hitting shelves in the very near future!
But then Beverly (at the request of Erica) decided to investigate this modeling agency more closely with a mother’s eye. After doing so, she entered the modeling picture…literally.
Hanging out at the other end of the mall was Adam, Emmy and Murray, as they waited in a long line for E.T. The tenth time is always the charm. What wasn’t a charm was seeing Murray’s dad (ie – Pop Pop) that same afternoon. This mini family reunion was short, tense and unsatisfying, which created a lasting and palpable awkwardness. Clearly, there was a serious problem problem with Pop Pop.
Barry, the delicious boy that he is (Beverly’s words), certainly took suburban Philadelphia by storm. This was especially true once the very professional looking and qualified agent from John Calabasas discovered Beverly as the next great “mom model.” The ensuing photo shoot was priceless:
(The Goldbergs, Twitter)
Pure modeling talent aside for a moment, Adam intentionally and unintentionally forced his dad (who protected his feelings like a prison guard at Alcatraz) to confront his dad, Pop Pop. Declaring to his son Adam that they would not have the same argumentative and distant relationship that he had with his father, Murray stormed over to Pop Pop’s house and finally told his dad how he felt. It was out there in the open for the first time. It was a walk and stare down that Adam had never seen before in real life.
It was like discovering an alien with a glowing finger in your family’s shed in the backyard. This was uncharted territory.
Plus, the “no pants rule” was clearly hereditary.
While the next chapter of the Murray-Pop Pop feud was spoken and heard, Erica finally convinced Beverly to second-guess John Calabasas. How? She did the only thing she could at this point, which was to reveal her embarrassing modeling pictures from the very same agency. Erica knew it and now Beverly knew the truth: it was a scam. So, after confronting the perfectly cast John Calabasas agent (Rob Huebel), mom model Beverly got her son Barry an official modeling job. Sure, it was the cover of the John Calabasas modeling brochure with the caption that essentially read, “If I can be a model, then you can be a model,” but that seemed to satisfy Barry’s modeling craze for the last days of this year in 1980-something.
And what about Murray and Pop Pop? Let’s just say they quietly made a new years resolution to change their moronic ways. It was a smile worthy moment.
This episode is the last one of 2014 because the family celebrated the television countdown of New Year’s Eve together. But have no fear, 2015 is just a few weeks around the corner!
Last night’s story proved that E.T. is still awesome, sometimes it’s a really nice bonus to feel like a model in someone’s eyes for just a little bit (even if it’s a scam) and that spending time with family doing things is important because, otherwise, we’d all just be a bunch of moronic strangers living together instead of being a connected group of people (who do moronic things) who are there for each other no matter what.
Fittingly, all of the Goldbergs ended New Year’s Eve in 1980-something by walking their own walk.
Happy New Year ’80s style!
Back to the Family
Spoiler Alert: Content from this blog is from the December 3, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
“We have as dish named after that one: Big Tasty Pork”
When a food dish at a restaurant is named after you, odds are pretty high that you’ll be visiting that establishment with some frequency…as in everyday. This was the dilemma facing Beverly, with her enemy clearly identified as “Dave Kim’s mom.” After discovering the new Chinese restaurant in town (run by Dave Kim’s mom), the Goldbergs were hooked. Hot plates were being brought out left and right and the family couldn’t get enough of this great new food. But, as we all know, Beverly needs to be the source of every moment of her family’s happiness.
So, this meant war…and lots and lots of cheese.
Aside from eating the insanely delicious sweet and sour chicken, Adam was facing an embarrassment of Wham! proportions. All of us guys like rock ‘n roll, but we also enjoy that tantalizingly catchy song. George Michael’s song, “Faith” is one that comes to mind. Fortunately for Adam, it did in the form of a videotaped, choreographed dance number while wearing clothes straight out of George Michael’s closet.
Adam was clearly feeling good and flawless.
But when Beverly’s little snuggle monster got too overzealous with his groovy moves, his right arm broke like the book shelves he crashed into. This humiliating musical and dancing expression led to a chain of events that included lying to his best friend Emmy, lying to his science class and science teacher all the while learning how to lie from his older sister Erica. And what was the lie, you ask? Well, the star of his lie was certainly not going to be centered on the former lead singer of Wham! No.; Instead, one of the greatest sequels in movie history would provide the source for his most epic lie: he told everyone that he rode a hoverboard like the one from Back to the Future: Part II.
After promising a video recording of him riding a hoverboard (which he impressively built himself) that was gold except for the rope showing, Adam had no choice but to do the right thing…He faked a letter forbidding the proof he rode a hoverboard. But, as well all do, we have our moral limits to our cover-ups. While Dave Kim enjoyed shrimp parm and cheesy watermelon at the Goldberg residence as part of Beverly’s plan to get back at Dave Kim’s mom for leading her family to say they enjoyed her cooking more than Beverly’s, Adam prepared a devastating presentation to his science class and teacher: the truth. Demonstrating the bravery to humiliate himself in front of everybody with his George Michael moves, as well as his touching plea to Emmy about forgiveness and being part of his family, the dynamic duo reunited in their spot: the tree house.
Speaking of pleas, perhaps the best of the episode was Beverly’s to her family. She sincerely explained how dinner time was her time to spend with her family and just how valuable it was to her day. Clearly, cooking Chinese food completely alluded her (ketchup as a base?). But, sensing her genuine nature, the Goldbergs returned to their dinner table as a family.
It was a little cheesy, but good cheesy.
This episode reminds me of a movie marathon of sorts I recently had with my nephew just a couple weeks ago and we actually watched The Back to the Future trilogy, which included those unforgettable scenes with the hoverboards. And watching those moments, while also watching my nephew watch them for the first time with wide-eyed wonderment, was like traveling back in time myself to when I first saw that movie magic unfold before my eyes. It was the same excitement that Adam showed and this storyline in the show underscored not only the magnificent and lasting impression a movie can have, but also the pure joy of dreaming of and for the presently impossible.
Returning back to The Goldbergs, Adam’s science teacher relentlessly proclaimed his belief in science and fact: hoverboards, in the 1980s, is impossible. Adam, on the other hand, relentlessly envisioned a world in which hoverboards are possible. This was back in 1980-something (had to be 1989).
How fitting it was that the eternal dreamer Adam sang and danced to George Michael’s popular song “Faith” because people will have the opportunity to ride the very first hoverboard in Silicon Valley early next year.
Having faith in family, friends and the existence of Marty’s hoverboard: That’s a recipe for success that worked back in the 1980s and still does in 2000-something.
That ’80s Thanksgiving
Spoiler Alert: Content in this blog is from the November 19, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
Duck hunting + Jazzercise + a martini for Pops = Thanksgiving
The Goldbergs celebrate Thanksgiving like most families in America, which includes every color combination of spandex, an unrivaled Power Glove and the desire to gravitate towards the people and things we truly are thankful for. So, fittingly, there’s plenty of chaos, turmoil and hilarity.
“By 9:00 a.m. we’ll be elbow deep in a 20 lb. Butterball!”
Erica insists/flat-out tells her mom Beverly that she doesn’t want anything to do with a Goldbergs Thanksgiving and that she plans to spend the day at her friend Lainey’s house. This causes a glorious overreaction from the Jazzercising Beverly, which results in fantastic mother-daughter battles for the heart of Thanksgiving.
Aside from the main characters, Uncle Marvin is a wonderful dynamic in this sitcom paradise and impressionable Adam is his excited protégé. Perhaps blinded by the futuristic technology known as “the beeper,” Adam and Barry are mesmerized by the coolness of their uncle who just randomly stops by in his DeLorean (yes, the inspiration for the time machine), but his shared interests in classic ’80s movies, the Nintendo gaming system and its powerful glove thrilled Adam to his core. In fact, the aforementioned Power Glove was a gift from Uncle Marvin! Adam finally had a partner in-crime/agent for his national video game domination.
The Nintendo Power Glove: “Everything else is child’s play”
Seeing the remarkable connection between his youngest son and his uncle, Murray (with guidance from Pops) chose to show interest in Adam’s favorite activity at that moment: video games. Unfortunately, age recommendations are marked for a reason on technology like Nintendo, especially for people who don’t pause first before looking/slamming for the pause button. Sadly, in this situation, the essential wires in the Power Glove got the harshest of beat downs. That is, until Barry put it on and stuck it up a turkey’s ass while preparing the delicious bird for dinner.
Barry never disappoints.
Despite this tragedy, what hurt Adam more than his unusable Power Glove was the fact that his dad Murray didn’t understand the reason why he loved hanging out with his Uncle Marvin so much. Adam admired Uncle Marvin because, unlike everybody else, he understood him. He didn’t make fun of him or belittle his favorite things. He spoke his language of dreaming amazingly big, making the impossible possible, all with a contagiously wild imagination.
This got Murray thinking. It was time for a power nap.
Even after Erica survived a Marine’s Jazzercise session and the most illegal/entertaining speed walking race in history, Pops (there he is again…) let her in on a little secret about her mom and his late wife that involved family recipes and a special connection in age when being introduced to the hectic universe of preparing Thanksgiving dinner with one’s mother. So, like a Goldberg, after exhausting every fiber of her being to refuse some ridiculous activity with her family, Erica finally used those precious beats in her heart as the deciding votes.
Dinner will be served: Goldbergs style.
Eventually, Murray came to see that video games were not really just about the games, but instead about connecting with his son. The result was a father and son spending the afternoon shooting ducks…on Nintendo (Shout out to “Duck Hunt!”). But a dad playing video games with his son is something I can relate to. When I was Adam’s age, my dad also played sports video games with me. This experience was great because he showed an enthusiastic interest in something I really enjoyed. And, just like Adam and Murray, a couple buttons always seemed to break when our fathers played these video games together, but it was definitely worth it.
After all the craziness of that day from cooking a perfect Thanksgiving dinner, Beverly and Erica expressed their bonding experience in the kitchen like something straight out of a Hallmark card:
“We kicked Thanksgiving’s ass!”
Yes you did Goldbergs, yes you did…
And, if you’re like me, when you think of Thanksgiving and family, John Parr, a “man in motion” and St. Elmo’s Fire immediately comes to mind (it did for show creator Adam F. Goldberg)
I’m thankful for The Goldbergs (and my family too!)
The Game of Life
Spoiler Alert: The following contains content from the November 12, 2014 episode of The Goldbergs
As determined as a ‘hungry, hungry hippo’ and as energetic as a teenage girl hanging-out with her friends talking, Barry Goldberg’s mission towards gaming superiority still may be stuck in the impossible.
Trivial Pursuit is the game and sister Erica his brainy nemesis. Honestly, knowing the author of “The Diary of Anne Frank” is tricky. Anyone could have missed that one…and by anyone, I mean only one: Barry Goldberg. Without the help of the JTP, he was left stranded on an island in the form of a kitchen table chair with nothing but his Big Tasty raps, ka-ra-tay moves and his confused concept of what sitting down means. Nostalgic board game nirvana aside, Barry’s only hope to defeat Erica for title of the smartest person in the world/between the two of them would require a measured approach to studying and preparation.
“I will do everything in my power to learn knowledge!”
While this intellectual battle between siblings brewed at the Goldergs’ kitchen table (under the careful supervision of bathroom break prone Pops), youngest child Adam was facing a ball of a time in gym class…literally. Red, rubber balls to be precise. The most gladiator-like gym class activity, dodge ball, is the pinnacle of survival for any young boy and girl.
True story.
After hearing about such a “barbaric” game, Beverly went into Beverly-mode: yes, Beverly Goldberg got dodge ball cancelled. But after a special isolation exercise by Mr. Mellor focused on Adam, the youngest Goldberg was struck square in the face with one of these balls of life. It left a red mark, which matched the fury of mama Beverly. We all know what happened next, following a slow-motion, fear-driven stroll through the halls of William Penn Academy. Beverly Goldberg not only cancelled dodge ball, but she also got Mr. Mellor fired.
It just got real…entertaining.
After Murray relieved Mr. Mellor from his inaccurate curb address number painting gig (“where’s the 3?”) and enlisting him to help him at his work, the uber-competitive gym teacher proved too intense for his laid-back job in the furniture store (self-high five). Plus, there were just too many bananas…way too many bananas in one drink.
Had Beverly gone too far?
Of course she did, that’s not even a serious question. But it was in the funniest way possible. Still, a gym teacher belongs in a gym, torturing young children with life lessons and sports cliches, rope climbs and world-class dodging. And sometimes that gym teacher who still doesn’t know your last name is pushing you so hard because he wants to instill some relentless toughness in you, preparing you to dodge life’s many unpredictable challenges that not even the all-powerful Beverly can deflect.
And after Erica beat Barry at his own game (literally, he made a game called, “Barrynopoly”), Barry was not only deflated about his surprising defeat, but he candidly disclosed his intellectual limitations to his older sister Erica.
It just got real…for real.
Contests and debates between siblings reveal a special bond, one that extends beyond normal competitive jousting. There’s an uncensored ruthlessness, all in good fun, with added realizations of what’s really at stake. Just don’t say the words, “Chinese checkers” around a particular sister of mine…But just as Erica cheated to ensure Barry got his much-needed victory at Trivial Pursuit (questions from the “junior edition” were discreetly used), so do all of us with siblings to one extent or another. This may include an older sister finally giving in and seeing and laughing at a movie in the theater she had previously refused to admit she enjoyed, just to spend some quality time with her younger brother and validate his choice in comedy. Or this may include going easy on a younger brother during a complex card game, to give him a much-needed win after a stressful week (then my oldest sister crushed me 3 times in a row, but still).
Even a gaming warrior needs to show some heart every once in a while. A true warrior is not only physically and intellectually formidable, but this person is also fully aware of his or her surroundings:
Like a 1980s music video, a warrior also knows how to take it over-the-top for the win!
Jimmy's Daily Planet 