As my parents and their friends prepare to enter the Malibu-beach house world of Two and a Half Men later tonight, I hope that they will witness a hilarious and cleverly written episode filled with classic one-liners from Berta and a Walden Schmidt/Ashton Kutcher who isn’t afraid to (once again) jump up the viewing rail and into the audience for some in-between scene singing and fun.

Most of all, I wish them the best of luck in spotting the one thing on the show’s set that has been virtually nonexistent for the past 10 1/2 years. For many, it’s an urban legend. A myth. For the rare few who have caught a glimpse of this mysterious and shocking object in the past, it’s undeniably mind-blowing. And yet, it can still leave one in absolute disbelief at what they’ve just seen.

Dare I write that a sighting of this item is downright life-altering.

If you do spot this treasured gem (well, it’s a knockoff), proceed with caution because it will take your breath away…

The wallet of Alan Harper: It’s filled with everything a father, brother, boyfriend and friend would ever need to carry with him at all times…except money.

(from an episode earlier this year)

Alan: “Can I get my free refill please?”

Movie Snack Guy:”Sorry sir, that offer only applies on the day of purchase.”

Alan: “I know…I purchased it today.”

Movie Snack Guy: “This is a Finding Nemo Cup.”

Alan: “…and you found him!”

After requesting a fresh bag of popcorn…

Alan: “Alright, alright, just tell your manager that Alan Harper would like to speak with him when he has a moment. He knows me.”

Movie Snack Guy: “We all know you.”